Top 10 Worst Films of 2014

This film's failure roots from the fact that, simply put, I did not like the original Robocop. Both of these films' commentary is painfully obvious and points out the obvious without really offering any relevant insight that could benefit our society: That Detroit, Michigan is a social, political and economic black hole. No duh. However, while this film is superior on a technical level--and certainly when it comes to acting. But at least the original film had a sense of humor that allows one to enjoy it as an entertainment. This film has no sense of humor and is a complete bore.

While this film had its moments, the sad truth of the matter is, Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels are both in their 50's. It's mostly sad just looking at these two look so old and ugly-looking that as a result, the film loses a great deal of its charm that it probably would have retained had it been made ten years earlier. These two also spew out exposition highlighting constantly how stupid they are, and it just kills the comedy. Also, you know that vehicle on the cover? It's nothing short of a 2-minute cameo; it dies immediately after it makes contact with the ground. Just like this movie.

Proof positive that these earlier movies normally wouldn't round out my top 10 worst of the year list if I was a bloody masochist with far too much money to spend. But this film rates higher than the other three films before it due to just how mediocre the entire franchise is. In fact, I'm offended that such a brilliant premise that opens the floodgates for wit, intelligence, and thrills could be so safe and half-assed. The worst moments in every single one of these films have always been the endings where these icons of science, history, and mythology throw dance parties are degraded just because the algorithm of Shrek, Yugioh, and Ben Stiler just so happen to be popular with the kids. It's obvious that the writers are the only people who had no passion to exorcise any sort of inventiveness given the production values all around are really good; just listen to their commentary track for the first movie, and you'll understand.

Speaking of films that are well-made on a technical level, this film, in spite of the acting, the tension, the topic, and the craft behind this film, the one thing that kills this movie is Mark Wahlberg's character. Simply put, he is too stupid, and too much of an arrogant, pretentious ass to be sympathetic. And he is constantly like this. Perhaps the closest thing to the smartest thing he ever did at the end was bring in the two people he owed the same amount of money to the same place so he could stake the exact amount of money on a roulette. Unfortunately, it's painfully obvious that underground casinos are generally rigged, so the smart decision ultimately kills any and all tension the climax would have had since his loss would result in a war between the two dangerous factions. Talk about cinematic suicide.

I made a top 10 reasons why this movie was insipid and stupid, and I brought up the title twice, stating that this movie probably would have been a 2 out of 10, except the title was so stupid that it was worth docking the remaining 2 points. I'm generally am not too kind to these sorts of kids movies, but needless to say, this film fails because it doesn't even come close to matching the description as written in the title. Only the older brother had a truly horrible day given that he was suspended from school and flunked his drivers exam thanks to the American Pie MILF (yes, the original MILF makes a cameo in a family-friendly Disney film). And it just looks and feels so trivial and artificial in the grand scheme of things that it just screams forced.

Remember all the hate that Eragon received a few years ago? About being both a rip-off of other works, and as a series that logically doesn't make any sense within the context of its own setting? Well, Divergent is even worse than Eragon. At least Eragon ripped off good movies and good literature. Divergent hits every single beat of the contemporary young adult novel you can think of without an original thought of its own. The few good ideas they have fails miserably because the logistics of this society assumes that having depth (and by depth, I mean more than one personality trait) means you are a danger to society as a whole. This movie is completely insipid and unoriginal at the same time.

You know how people started to accuse Darren Aronosky of being an atheist because of his treatment of Noah? Well, imagine an agnostic view on the story of Moses? Within the first two minutes, the biggest detriment that kills the movie makes itself clear to you. The movie cannot make up its mind on what to believe in, and as a result, tries to acknowledge God's existence (by making him a ten-year-old boy because...new interpretation) a little bit while trying to trivialize the ten plagues as having a scientific answer (even though there is no way the last two plagues could have been science). The burning bush is just in the background without any real meaning or significance for crying out loud. This indecisiveness passes down to the characters as well; everybody in this movie is a complete bumbling moron without any concrete beliefs. This is proof positive that trying to meet both ways to avoid offending anyone will ultimately result in everyone being isolated instead. This film is crap, and is too boring to be enjoyably bad.

Two words: Vagina pandering. The two romantic leads have no personality whatsoever. The hunky black guy is every checklist of a true love you can imagine. The supporting characters are unrealistically awful, and the movie is one-dimensional to the core. Heck, the lead actor is a cop with political aspirations. She's a pop star. She lures him onto a plane and attempted to cut him off and rape him while it was in the air. He had a blindfold on him for crying out loud; he clearly wasn't expected this to happen since he was only making sure she was alright and not trying to kill herself; you know, doing his job as a police officer. What if he had no interest in letting her romance him? That'd be attempted rape of a cop! This movie is not only boring as hell, and cloyingly trite and cliché; it's completely braindead as well. Avoid it like the plague!

Technically having came out last year in France, so as such, I am counting it for worst of 2014. The film has nothing to do with the book it is based on; the effects are on par with SciFi channel crap; the film is shot and edited by a monkey; and the film has no sense of scale or scope whatsoever. I've said my piece on it plenty in my 2015 in Films section, so consider my views on this film final. It is crap. Avoid at all cost.

While this film is not as bad as The Hangover 2; heck, it looks cleaner; it's not a rehash of the first film's plot; and Chris Pine does have some fun in his role (he's the closest thing to an enjoyable character in this movie); this film is still my pick for the worst movie of 2014 for the fundamental flaw that not only are our three leads even stupider than in the first film, but they never, ever, EVER shut up! Considering that Motherfucker Jones confessed to being a fraud in the first film, it confounds me at just how stupid they would have to be to seek advice from him AGAIN! Jennifer Aniston contributes nothing to the film other than to waste time; her sole character trait is that she wants to fuck anything with a penis; and she was involved in perhaps the single most headache-inducing handslapping moment of idiocy in the single film. Christophe Waltz is completely wasted. The fact that by the film's end, Jennifer Aniston admitted to having raped Dale AGAIN, and I didn't give a shit says a great deal about this movie. It's just constant noise and mindless stupidity for 2 straight hours.

It's nowhere near the worst film I've seen in my life; but it's my pick for the worst film of 2014.