The Worst of the Worst
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It lasts for 250 minutes and it's a black and white documentary/torture porn mix with atrocious dialogue, camerawork that reminds me of Eraserhead and music out of Tetsuo. Exactly the type of stuff you want to spend four hours of your life watching.
VierasTalo's rating:

Kalteva torni (2006)
The people who made this movie are as retarded as the main character.
And it shows!
And it shows!
VierasTalo's rating:

Someone once said that it's alright to question the existence of Salo as being nothing but pointless scenes of torture intercut with pseudophilosophical babble. I agree with that perspective, and to me, this movie is nothing but that.
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Burlesque (2010)
The worst musical of all time? Maybe not, but this is so attrocious I can't hold back on putting it here. Burlesque is abominable. It's a really boring Coyote Ugly-remake that doesn't even know what burlesque is and so it substitutes the real thing with weird Pussycat Dolls-style dance routines made soooooo burlesque by the trumpets added to the songs. Whaaat
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The Room (2003)
Tommy Wiseau! At the same time this is one of those movies you love watching because it's so horrible, but it's also absolutely awful to watch as it had a budget of millions of dollars and none of it shows up on-screen. It's cult reputation is deserved but I still hate it.
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Just look at the title. It pretty much explains itself. But then when you watch it the gore is so crappy that all you have left in the end is Shit. That'd be an appropiate title. And this thing spanned four sequels!
I love Halloween and most of it's sequels even though they all suck. It's my favourite slasher series. But this movie is just sooooooo horrible that it even beats movies like Jason Takes Manhattan and NOELS 5 in being the worst slasher sequel ever made.
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Theodore Rex (1995)
Whoopi Goldberg sports a leather outfit and is a sidekick in a sci-fi thriller to a human-sized dinosaur that makes tail jokes and is the son of Udo Kier.
It isn't really even nearly as awesome as that sounds. It just sucks.
It isn't really even nearly as awesome as that sounds. It just sucks.
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I wrote a review of this, but in short Bay has managed to make a movie based on watching his kids play around with Transformers figurines and it shows.
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Jos rakastat (2010)
It's a finnish musical that's not only racist, insensitive, thoroughly demoralising and absurdly bad, it also uses amnesia as a plot twist. And they shot a scene outside my former local library. I hate that place now.
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The Boondock Saints (1999)
A montage-like film that is more or less perfect to everyone around the age of 15, but becomes wholly abominable at a later age. The dialogue is very much what is considered "cool" by teenagers and the action scenes consist of "cool" dudes in "cool" slow-motion standing in a "cool" way completely still while shooting their "cool" guns while occasionally showing how people fall down screaming and dying in "cool" slow-motion. This film tries so obnoxiously to be "cool" that it instead becomes CP.
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It's Lynch at his absolute worst. He becomes so embroiled within this personal universe that he seems to have forgotten that this is supposed to be a movie. It has a cool scene or two and Balthazar Getty is a great actor, but none of it really serves any purpose in a way that would feel meaningful, let alone good.
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Forrest Gump is a terrible movie filled with nonsenical platitudes, retarded character portrayals and obnoxious "comedic" moments sidelining historical milestones. It just plain sickens me. I appreciate the message but especially Hanks just goes way over in his portrayal so that none of it works. The stereotypical portrayal of EVERYTHING doesn't help either.
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Bad Boys II (2003)
It's Bay and it's shit. Black men dressed in KKK outfits and driving through poor cities killing the livelyhoods of millions of people and rats fucking and color contrasts that kill my eyes don't make for a good movie.
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This movie is shit, and excellently suits anyone who likes shitty movies and people who are, indeed, shit.
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The Brown Bunny (2003)
It's Gallo's masterpiece. It does exactly what he wants it to do. It makes all of us hate him because it's a horrible movie that climaxes in a scene where he essentially says "Haha I'm a talentless hack and you suck and I get BJs from hot women". I gladly go in on the joke and give him one star because this movie sure does deserve it.
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Precious (2009)
A film that I was shocked to watch. Not because it's shocking in nature in a good way, but because it paints an incredibly stereotypical picture of the stupid african american population and does so with such gleeful joy that it becomes truly offensive. The scenes between Precious and her mother become slapsticky as the two exchange television set blows, and Precious steals a huge bucket of KFC. I think this movie would never have been hailed as very good if it was directed by a white person, and I say that with no ill intent meant. This movie is just Troma-worthy, and I mean Bloodsucking Freaks, not Combat Shock.
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Predator (1987)
It's very gay. I mean you can like it all you want but Carl Weathers and Arnie stripping their clothes magically off scene by scene while walking around the jungle making sexy poses every five steps that showcase their oiled muscles is really just overtly assaultingly homosexual.
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Title says it all. From worst to... well, a bit less horrible but absolute garbage nonetheless.
EDIT: So this list might be outdated but it's so fab in it's provocateur-nature I'll leave it here.
EDIT: So this list might be outdated but it's so fab in it's provocateur-nature I'll leave it here.
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