British Comedy: George and the Dragon

Years: 1966-1968
Broadcaster: ITV (ATV)
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell
Stars: Sid James, Peggy Mount
Episodes: 26
Episode Average: 7.615

BEST EPISODES:
The Not So Tender Trap (1966), The Holiday (1968)

SERIES ONE

(1966)
6 episodes
Series Score: 48
Episode Average: 1
Perfect 10's: 8.00

S1E1

GEORGE MEETS THE DRAGON

Originally broadcast: 19 November 1966
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

Col. Maynard begs his chauffeur to stop chasing the housekeepers away,
the gardener suggests finding a woman that he can't possibly fancy, and George gets a surprise when a fare-dodging Dragon turns up at the door.

"If I wasn't a lady of breeding, I would be sorely tempted to punch your crinkly nose in."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E2

THE NOT SO TENDER TRAP

Originally broadcast: 26 November 1966
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

Gabrielle saves a gullible girl from the vulgar intentions of an evil tycoon,
the Colonel comes home from a reunion with a bottle of champagne, and George wakes up with a huge hangover and a nightmare of a bride-to-be.

"I won't need any gloves with it, will I?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

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S1E3

THE UNEXPECTED SPORT

Originally broadcast: 3 December 1966
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

Gabrielle plays nurse when the Colonel breaks his leg in a road accident, a visitor to the house gets the wrong idea about the closed curtains, and a replacement has to be found to make up the numbers in a polo match.

"You're not getting in as well, are you?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E4

NIGHT NIGHT, SLEEP TIGHT

Originally broadcast: 10 December 1966
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

Gabrielle needs help when she gets herself stuck in a manual massager, George discovers that he's swallowed pills that are meant to be inhaled, and the police are called after a burglar is given a clout around the head.

"Hello, Colonel Maynard's residence... No. No, I'm afraid the Colonel's not here... No, he's taken Ralph the gardener to Starbridge Agricultural Show. We're hoping to get a first prize... No, not for Ralph, for his vegetables."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E5

ROYAL LETTER

Originally broadcast: 17 December 1966
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

The Colonel complains about the picture on the front page of The Times, George writes a letter of thanks on behalf of the Duke of Edinburgh, and Gabrielle heads off to Buckingham Palace so he can thank her in person.

"If the Lord had intended us to smoke, he would have given us chimneys in our heads."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S1E6

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Originally broadcast: 24 December 1966
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

The Colonel gets it all wrong when he hands out his Christmas presents, Gabrielle accepts a long forgotten invitation to stay with her sister, and George is given the chance to spend some time with his latest girlfriend.

"Well, you are definitely the bag."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES TWO

(1967)
7 episodes
Series Score: 53
Episode Average: 7.57
Perfect 10's: 0

S2E1

TV CONFLICT

Originally broadcast: 20 May 1967
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

Ralph leaves the whole house in shock when he decides to have a bath, Gabrielle storms out when her record collection ends up in pieces, and the Colonel orders George to bring her back or face losing his own job.

"Those his hands? I thought he was wearing gloves."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S2E2

SUNDAY MORNING

Originally broadcast: 27 May 1967
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

Gabrielle claims that staying in bed is a total waste of a Sunday morning,
Ralph insists that his grandfather was reincarnated as a little pig, and the Colonel refuses to believe that George can be persuaded to go to church.

"Oh, that reminds me, talking about George, I must put some slug killer around the pansies."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S2E3

THE FRENCH LESSON

Originally broadcast: 3 June 1967
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

Ralph and George get it all wrong when they hear a Frenchman's voice,
Gabrielle reveals that she's won a trip to Paris in a fashion competition, and the Colonel's fear of flying means that there's a ticket going begging.

"You'd think for that sort of money, they'd at least give you a window that opened."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S2E4

THE LEARNER DRIVER

Originally broadcast: 10 June 1967
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

Ralph insists that you can't learn how to drive just from reading a book,
the Colonel can't believe it when he hits four straight holes in one, and
Gabrielle gets into trouble when she backs into the chief constable's car.

"Not rubbish, they don't breakdown for one thing. Hey, now look, cars run out of petrol don't they? ...Well, you never get 'orse stopping 'cos it's run out of oats, do ya?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S2E5

THE OLD FLAME

Originally broadcast: 17 June 1967
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

Col. Maynard reveals that he has proposed to his childhood sweetheart, George puts his foot in it when he goes to pick her up from the station, and Gabrielle declares war when the bride-to-be explains the new rules.

"You know what they say... Just 'cos there's snow on the roof, it doesn't mean to say there's no fire in the grate... I don't think you need worry about the Colonel, he's probably on smokeless fuel by now."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S2E6

TABLE MANNERS

Originally broadcast: 24 June 1967
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

Ralph makes a nuisance of himself when he's ordered to do the wiping, George and Gabrielle give up food to prove who has the most willpower, and the Colonel struggles to cope with the absence of meals on his table.

"What you talking about? I give it up three times last week!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S2E7

FRIENDSHIP BUREAU

Originally broadcast: 1 July 1967
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

Gabrielle insists on finding out more about George from his horoscope, Ralph spots an advertisement for a friendship bureau in the newspaper, and 66 gets a bit of a shock when she's sent out on a blind date with 34.

"Well, every time there's a full moon, you turn into a human being."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES THREE

(1968)
7 episodes
Series Score: 57
Episode Average: 8.14
Perfect 10's: 1

S3E1

THE REUNION

Originally broadcast: 6 January 1968
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

Gabrielle gets her uniform and medals ready for her squadron reunion, the Colonel explains how he came out of the war with an Iron Cross, and George ends up on waiting duty after a mishap with the waste disposal.

"Yes, I'll never forget him as long as I live. Von something or other."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S3E2

COURT CASE

Originally broadcast: 13 January 1968
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

The Colonel finds his staff standing before him when he arrives in court, Gabrielle explains how the car left them stranded in the country, and the court hears of how George found a bed for the night at a nearby cottage.

"That is an understatement. The last time he was on the bench, he gave me six months probation and asked the defendant to call the next case."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

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S3E3

THE TV SET

Originally broadcast: 20 January 1968
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

A salesman keeps calling back when he refuses to take no for an answer, George struggles to pick up the BBC on his homemade television set, and Gabrielle finds that she has competition for a first-come first-served sale.

"Thank you, George. Now perhaps you wouldn't mind retrievng my undies from the rockery."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S3E4

THE HOLIDAY

Originally broadcast: 27 January 1968
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

The Colonel gives his staff some time off while he goes on a fishing trip,
Gabrielle soon realises that the best holidays are out of her price range, and George tries to be devious to find the money for a break of his own.

"No, no, you can do it for twenty guineas... providing you go in mid-December, stand up in the coach and don't eat for a week."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

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S3E5

THE 10:15 TRAIN

Originally broadcast: 3 February 1968
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

George and Gabrielle decide to get the train to London on their day off, the diddy men inside a drinks machine dish out a little too much coffee, and news of a cancelled service means a trip to see the traffic manager.

"Including the engine, about 130ft."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S3E6

FAMILY TREE

Originally broadcast: 10 February 1968
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

Gabrielle manages to trace her family line back over two hundred years, the Colonel finds a possible connection to the French royal family, and George uses a portrait of the Laughing Cavalier to add to her excitement.

"Well, I've traced my father's father's father's father's father's father, but I can't get any farther."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

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S3E7

BIG DEAL

Originally broadcast: 17 February 1968
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

George learns that constant borrowing has left him without any wages, Gabrielle's persuaded to put the money up for a profit opportunity, and the Colonel struggles to get any answers when the Bentley goes missing.

"I've got a very serious balance of payments problem... There's always too many days left over at the end of my money."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES FOUR

(1968)
6 episodes
Series Score: 40
Episode Average: 6.67
Perfect 10's: 0

S4E1

BACKING BRITAIN

Originally broadcast: 26 September 1968
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

Gabrielle gets carried away with the Colonel's request to only buy British, dock leaf tea and seaweed cigarettes turn out to be acquired tastes, and George revives an old custom to get some luxuries back into the house.

"Yes, well, you see, I've been working on that, George, you see. Now, you want to watch this rather closely. It's very... rather ingenious, you see. Actually, I saw this once in a film. It was some kind of a smuggling funny, you see. Only, it wasn't brandy, it was diamonds, you see... Yes, diamonds... And it wasn't an umbrella, it was a walking stick, you see. It had a... it had a hollow handle. Well, mine's solid, you see. So even if it were hollow, I wouldn't be able to get a bottle in it really, would I? You see what I mean? I thought I'd just tell you that. A slightly interesting story."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

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S4E2

THE FOOTBALL MATCH

Originally broadcast: 3 October 1968
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

Madcap Maynard reminisces about playing football in his younger days, George manages to get kicked out of an FA Cup tie for kicking a rival fan, and Gabrielle saves the day by getting hold of two tickets for the replay.

"Yes, well, it is, you see. One chance remark and I've gnawed me way through two hundred weight of macaroons, you see."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5

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S4E3

GABRIELLE'S BIRTHDAY

Originally broadcast: 10 October 1968
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

The Colonel discovers that he has given a bottle of perfume to the vicar,
George forgets the significance of the date when he comes home drunk, and Gabrielle jumps to conclusions when she finds a card and a fur stole.

"Let me tell you something, George Russell, men who go to bed naked don't go to bed with their boots on!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S4E4

LIFE INSURANCE

Originally broadcast: 17 October 1968
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

Gabrielle strips for a plumber when she goes for a life insurance medical, George offers to get a doctor a new dog when she loses her Airedale, and an overheard conversation suggests that death needs a new chauffeur.

"Don't worry, George, it can't be as bad as you look"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E5

FLORIBUNDA GABRIELLE

Originally broadcast: 24 October 1968
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

Ralph announces that he has finally managed to cross a tulip with a rose, George ends up bruised when he helps the Colonel with his conkers, and tender words in the greenhouse suggest that things are getting heated.

"Mind you, you are a bit delicate at the moment. I had to sit up with you all last night... You see, you've got to be kept at an even temperature, otherwise the cold goes straight to your buds."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E6

LOVE IS A MANY SPLENDOURED THING

Originally broadcast: 31 OCtober 1968
Directed by: Shaun O'Riordan
Written by: Harry Driver, Vince Powell

George is ridiculed when he announces his intention to pop the question, the Book of Birds is thrown to the flames to prove that he is serious, and his new fiancee's brigadier father insists on cancelling their engagement.

"Thank you, gorgeous."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

GEORGE
RUSSELL

Played by Sid James
26 episodes (1966-1968)
in... Life Insurance (S4E4)

GABRIELLE
DRAGON

Played by Peggy Mount
26 episodes (1966-1968)
in... Royal Letter (S1E5)

COLONEL RUPERT
MAYNARD

Played by John Le Mesurier
24 episodes (1966-1968)
in... The Reunion (S3E1)

RALPH

Played by Keith Marsh
24 episodes (1966-1968)
in... TV Conflict (S2E1)