British Comedy: Bo' Selecta!

Years: 2002-2009
Broadcaster: Channel 4
Genre: Sketch, Adult, Sitcom (A Bear's Tail)
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman,
Darren Bailes, Jimmy Carr, Paul Garner,
James Bobin, Al MacCuish, Kate Daughton,
James De Frond, Stuart Unwin
Stars: Leigh Francis, Patsy Kensit
Episodes: 40*
Episode Average: 3.375

BEST EPISODES:
The Making of Proper Crimbo (2003), Ho Ho Ho Selecta! (2003)

*including the spin-offs, 'A Bear's Tail' and 'Bo! in the USA'.

BOLD = best sketches in episode

SERIES ONE

(2002)
6 episodes
Series Score: 34
Episode Average: 5.67
Perfect 10's: 0

S1E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 6 September 2002
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman, Darren Bailes,
Jimmy Carr, Paul Garner, Al MacCuish

SKETCHES:
Introduction --- The Jacksons --- Britain's Sexiest
The Week in Whole by Enrique's Mole
Showbiz Chat Up a Tree on Hampstead Heath: Liberty Kiss
Avid's Art: The Beckhams --- Mel B's Book --- Jade Goody's Baps
Craig David's 7 Days --- Interviewing Davina McCall
David Blaine is a Boob --- Davina McCall: It Has To Be You

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 13 September 2002
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman, Darren Bailes,
Jimmy Carr, Paul Garner, Al MacCuish

SKETCHES:
Introduction --- Britney's Day Off
The Week in Whole by Enrique's Mole --- Avid: Liz Hurley
Showbiz Chat Up a Tree on Hampstead Heath: Tess Daley
Michael Jackass: Blind Boxing --- Avid's Art: Popstars.., The Rivals
Elton John: Postman --- Avid: GMTV Special --- Craig David: Jousting
Avid: Penny Smith's Dressing Room --- David Blaine: Chicken
Celebrity Test: Geri Halliwell --- Michael Jackass: Cricket
Avid Dreams About Kylie

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 20 September 2002
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman, Jimmy Carr

SKETCHES:
Avid: Kate Thornton --- John Lennon's Dead Day Off
The Week in Whole by Enrique's Mole --- Avid: Kate Lawler
Showbiz Chat Up a Tree on Hampstead Heath: Terri Dwyer
Michael Jackass: Naked Chicken Skating --- Avid's Art: Patsy Palmer
Avid: Michael Ball --- Craig David: Hawk Conservancy
Avid: Party Games --- David Blaine: Card Trick
Avid: Vanessa Feltz --- Michael Jackass: Pissed Wakeboarding
Vanessa Feltz: Dancing

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 27 September 2002
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman, Jimmy Carr

SKETCHES:
Avid: Lauundry --- The Jacksons: Arriving Next Door
The Week in Whole by Enrique's Mole
Showbiz Chat Up a Tree on Hampstead Heath: Christine Hamilton
Ozzey Meets Craig --- The Jacksons: Leaving Next Door
Avid's Art: Rik Waller --- Avid: Geri Halliwell Book Signing
Craig David Breaks America (Part 1) --- Avid: Keith Duffy
David Blaine: Carrot --- Celebrity Test: Will Young
Keith Duffy: Love Me For a Reason

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 4 October 2002
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman, Jimmy Carr

SKETCHES:
Avid: In Bed With John & Edwina --- Destiny's Child
Avid: Brad Pitt On It --- The World in Whole by Enrique's Mole
Avid: Kylie Calendar
Showbiz Chat Up a Tree on Hampstead Heath: Sarah Cawood
Michael Jackass: Suicide Diving --- Avid: Fame Academy
The Sounds of Claire Sweeny --- Avid: Ethan Hawke
Craig David Breaks America (Part 2) --- David Blaine: Thumbs & Legs
Avid: Soap Awards --- Michael Jackass: Orange Squash
Jenni Falconer Being Serenaded

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 11 October 2002
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman, Darren Bailes,
Jimmy Carr, Paul Garner, Al MacCuish

SKETCHES:
Avid: Pete Waterman --- Mel B's Day Off
The World in Whole by Enrique's Mole
Showbiz Chat Up a Tree on Hampstead Heath: Kate Thornton
Michael Jackass: Making an Omelette for Your G
David Blaine: Frozen in Time Part 1 --- Avid's Art: Robbie Williams
Britney Spears: Ungrateful? --- Avid: Dreaming of Mariella Frostrup
Craig David Goes Home --- Avid: Barbara Windsor
Celebrity Test: Gareth Gates --- Michael Jackass: Moonwalking
David Blaine: Frozen in Time Part 2 --- Avid: Giving It Up

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 1
TOTAL: 4

NOTE:
Two further episodes were aired, made up mainly of clips from the series,
these specials have yet to be released on DVD.

SERIES TWO

(2003)
8 episodes
Series Score: 33
Episode Average: 4.13
Perfect 10's: 0

S2E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 6 June 2003
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman,
Paul Garner, James Bobin

SKETCHES:
Jade Goody: Giving Birth --- Avid: Introduction
Craig David On Tour --- The Week in Bits by Jordan's...
Bedtime With The Bear: Catalina Guirado --- Avid: Davina Poem
Ant Man & Dec Pet's Take Out: John Virgo --- Avid: Federico
Marilyn's Mansion --- Posh & Becks: Going to the Fair
Avid: Soccer Six --- The Kelly Osbourne Show
Big Brother's Big Mutha: Justine Evicted
Avid: Dancing with Rod Stewart --- Posh & Becks: Dinner Time

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 1
TOTAL: 3

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 13 June 2003
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman,
Paul Garner, James Bobin

SKETCHES:
Becks: Disney Club --- Avid's Journal --- Craig David On Tour
The Week in Bits by Jordan's...
Bedtime With The Bear: Jennifer Ellison
Ricky Gervais from The Office --- Avid: Sugar
Lorraine Kelly: Dale Winton --- When Michael Met Catherine
Avid's Journal --- Celebrity Holiday 2003: Mel B
David Blaine: Knickors --- Big Brother's Big Mutha: Sissy Evicted
Avid: t.A.t.U --- Becks: New Tattoo

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 20 June 2003
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman,
James Bobin, Paul Garner

SKETCHES:
Big Brother's Big Mutha: Roll to Titles --- Avid: Arrested
Craig David On Tour --- The Week in Bits by Jordan's...
Bedtime with the Bear: Kerry McFadden --- Tranny & Susannah
Avid: Sugarman --- Ant Man & Dec Pet's Take Out: Jo Guest
Avid: Back Home --- Christina's Caravan --- Avid: Mis-Teeq
Michael Jackass: Placenta Paintball --- The Kelly Osbourne Show
Big Brother's Big Mutha: Anouska Interview --- Avid: Superhero
Avid: Naomi Campbell

HOLY GODIVA 1 - ONION JACK 0
TOTAL: 1

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 27 June 2003
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman,
Paul Garner, James Bobin

SKETCHES:
Michael Jackson: Drop the Baby --- Avid: Shawshank
Craig David On Tour --- The Week in Bits by Jordan's...
Bedtime with The Bear: Jonathan Ross --- Trisha on the Road
Avid's Art: Jodie and Jordan --- Avid: Birthday Party
Michael Jackass: Fish Food Suit --- Posh & Becks: Spanish
Avid: Westlife --- David Blaine: Bra
Big Brother's Big Mutha: John from Africa
Avid: Sellotape My Eyes to a Pigeon --- Posh & Becks: First Day at School

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 4 July 2003
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman,
Paul Garner, James Bobin

SKETCHES:
Becks: Real Madrid Medical --- Avid: Choose David Sneddon
Craig David On Tour --- The Week in Bits by Jodie Marsh's...
Bedtime with The Bear: Edith Bowman
Jonathan Ross Movie Weview 2003 --- Avid: Why Do I Do It?
Ant Man & Dec Pet's Take Out: Mr. Langstaff --- Avid: Charlie's Angles
Michael Jackass: Peter Pan Parachute Jump --- Avid: Premiere
Ricky Gervais from The Office
Big Brother's Big Mutha: Is Lisa a Man? --- Avid: Kim Cattrall
Posh & Becks: Sweeties

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 11 July 2003
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman,
Paul Garner, James Bobin

SKETCHES:
Geri Halliwell: Tuppence --- Avid: Forrest Gump Part 1
Craig David On Tour --- The Week in Bits by Jodie Marsh's...
Bedtime with The Bear: Vernon Kay --- Trisha on the Road
Avid: Forrest Gump Part 2 --- Lorraine Kelly: Will Young
Avid: Ozzey's New Place --- Avid: Forrest Gump Part 3
David Blaine: Just Lie Down There --- Avid: Party on the Park
The Kelly Osbourne Show --- Big Brother's Big Mutha: Doug From Australia
Avid: Meat Loaf --- Michael Jackson: Sesame Street

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E7

EPISODE 7

Originally broadcast: 18 July 2003
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman,
Paul Garner, James Bobin

SKETCHES:
Michael Jackson: Barry White's Ashes --- Avid: Chris Moyles
Craig David On Tour --- The Week in Bits by Jodie Marsh's...
Bedtime with The Bear: Trip to the Big Brother Studio
Big Brother's Big Mutha: Celebrity Favourite Bits
Avid: Ozzey & Craig
Ant Man & Dec Pet's Take Out: Someone from Byker Grove
Mel B's Flat --- Jonathan Ross Movie Weview 2003
Avid: Atomic Kitten --- Jackass: Payback for Daddy
Avid: Chris Moyles' Autograph --- Mel B: Loch Ness Monster

HOLY GODIVA 1 - ONION JACK 0
TOTAL: 1

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E8

EPISODE 8

Originally broadcast: 25 July 2003
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman,
Paul Garner, James Bobin

SKETCHES:
Big Brother's Big Mutha: Cameron Wins! --- Avid: Newsagents
Craig David On Tour --- The Week in Bits by Jodie Marsh's...
Bedtime with The Bear: Melanie Blatt --- Trisha on the Road
Avid: Top Trumps 1 --- Lorraine Kelly: Graham Norton
When Richard Met Judy --- Celebrity Holiday 2003: Michael Jackson
Avid: David Sneddon --- Craig David: Royal Albert Hall
Avid: Top Trumps 2

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

SPECIALS

(2003)

SPECIAL

THE MAKING OF PROPER CRIMBO

Originally broadcast: 21 November 2003
Directed by: Paul Young
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman

SKETCHES:
The making of the music video for 'Proper Crimbo'.

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SPECIAL

HO HO HO SELECTA!

Originally broadcast: 23 December 2003
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman,
Paul Garner, Ben Palmer

SKETCHES:
Jarvis Cocker: Walking in the Air --- Avid: Scrooge 1
Celebrity Christmas Holiday: Craig David : Trisha on the Road
The Bear's Christmas Grot Hole: Mel C --- Avid: Scrooge 2
Lorraine Kelly: Brian Dowling --- Mel B: Patsy Kensit
The Queen's Speech --- Avid: Scrooge 3 --- The Osbournes
Michael Jackson's Midnight Mass --- Avid's Christ-mas Song
Craig David: All is Cold

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES THREE

(2004)
9 episodes
Series Score: 19
Episode Average: 2.11
Perfect 10's: 0

S3E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 18 June 2004
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman, Paul Garner, Ben Palmer

SKETCHES:
Avid: Arachnipus --- Michael Jackson in Doing Porridge
Avid: Questions --- The Bear's Showbiz Tail: Paul McKenna
Walking Gingerly with Mick Hucknall: Kirsty Gallacher
Avid: Emma Bunton --- Justin from The Darkness
Baddiel & Skinner --- Sight Seeing with Stevie Wonder
Avid: Ozzey's Changed --- Craig David Tries to Break America (Again)
Arachnipus: Emma Bunton Interview --- The Odd Couple
Nadine: The Only Way is Up --- Graham Norton

HOLY GODIVA 0 - ONION JACK 0
TOTAL: 0

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 25 June 2004
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman, Paul Garner, Ben Palmer

SKETCHES:
Arachnipus: Shite Rider --- Michael Jackson in Doing Porridge
The Bear's Showbiz Tail: Bob Mortimer --- Jordan
Denis Norden's I Might Not Make Through the Night
Eastendings: Pete Beale --- Avid: Agent --- Britney Spears: Smoking
Favourite Dinosaurs --- I Love Wood --- You Say I Say
Craig David Tries to Break America (Again) --- Arachnipus: Peter Andre Interview --- The Odd Couple --- Nadine: Frankie --- Oasis

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 2 July 2004
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman, Paul Garner, Ben Palmer

SKETCHES:
The Bear: Dressing Room --- Craig David Tries to Break America (AGAIN)
Martine McCutcheon's Perfect Moment
The Bear's Showbiz Tail: Jamie Oliver --- Avid: Ozzey's Changed
Trisha: Bogle Bogle Bogle Shake - Avid: Mike Read
Sight Seeing with Stevie Wonder --- Bored of the Rings
Arachnipus: Jack Osbourne --- The Odd Couple
Nadine: Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go --- Mike Read: Smooth

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 1
TOTAL: 3

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 9 July 2004
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman, Paul Garner, Ben Palmer

SKETCHES:
Avid: June Sarpong --- Michael Jackson in Doing Porridge
Arachnipus: Black --- The Bear: This Morning --- Jack Off
Sharon Osbourne: Agony Aunt --- Harry Hill
Eastendings: Nick Cotton --- Avid: Nose?
Craig David Tries to Break America (Again)
Arachnipus: June Sarpong Interview --- The Odd Couple
Nadine: Shout --- Elizabeth Taylor

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 0
TOTAL: 2

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 16 July 2004
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman, Paul Garner, Ben Palmer

SKETCHES:
Avid: Crappy Days --- Craig Davied Tries to Break America (Again)
The Bear's Showbiz Tail: Lisa Stansfield
Walking Gingerly: Mark Owen --- Avid: Sean Pertwee Autograph
Justin from The Darkness --- Sight Seeing with Stevie Wonder
Avid: Agent's Holiday
Denis Norden's I Might Not Make Through the Night
Movie Weview 2004 --- Arachnpus: Sean Pertwee Interview
The Odd Couple --- Nadine: No Limit --- Posh & Becks

HOLY GODIVA 0 - ONION JACK 0
TOTAL: 0

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 23 July 2004
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman, Ben Palmer,
Kate Daughton, James De Frond, Stuart Unwin

SKETCHES:
Nose Job --- Martine McCutcheon's Perfect Moment
The Bear's Showbiz Tail: Jonathan Ross --- T4: Michelle McManus
Avid: Coffee Break --- Lino or Carpet? --- Avid: Lift
Craig David Tries to Break America (Again)
Arachnipus: Coronation Street --- The Odd Couple
Nadine: Saturday Night --- Avid: Mork --- Marilyn Manson

HOLY GODIVA 1 - ONION JACK 1
TOTAL: 2

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E7

EPISODE 7

Originally broadcast: 30 July 2004
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman, Ben Palmer,
Kate Daughton, James De Frond, Stuart Unwin

SKETCHES:
Arachnipus: Hate Mail --- Eastendings: Alan Jackson
This is Davina --- The Bear: Angry
Craig David Tries to Break America (Again)
America's Greatest Pop Whore Sluts: Christina Aguilera
Trisha: Rice and Pea in Da Pot --- Sight Seeing with Stevie Wonder
Michael Jackson in Doing Porridge --- Avid: Meet the F'ing Parents
The Odd Couple --- Nadine: Waterloo --- Avid: The Osbournes
The Bear: Heads Will Roll

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 2

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E8

EPISODE 8

Originally broadcast: 6 August 2004
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman, Ben Palmer,
Kate Daughton, James De Frond, Stuart Unwin

SKETCHES:
Avid: Jim Morrison --- Craig David Tries to Make it in America (Again)
The Bear's Showbiz Tail- Myleene Klass --- Bored of the Rings
How Clean is Your... --- Which Arctic Animal?
Michael Jackson in Doing Porridge --- Avid: Ozzey's Change
Jack Off --- Sharon Osbourne: Agony Aunt --- Justin from The Darkness
Arachnipus: Abi Titmuss --- The Odd Couple
Denis Norden's I Might Not Make Through the Night
Nadine: Just a Little Bit --- Baddiel & Skinner

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 1
TOTAL: 3

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E9

EPISODE 9

Originally broadcast: 13 August 2004
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Spencer Millman, Ben Palmer,
Kate Daughton, James De Frond, Stuart Unwin

SKETCHES:
Avid: Teen Wolf --- Bear Selecta
Denis Norden's I Might Not Make Through the Night
Michael Jackson in Doing Porridge
Walking Gingerly: Neil Ruddock --- The Bear: Busters
Craig David Checks It Out --- Eastendings: Ali Osman
T4: Cheeky Girls --- Avid: Mr. T --- The Odd Couple
Nadine: Everybody's Free --- Avid: Wrap Party

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 1
TOTAL: 3

SPECIAL

(2004)

SPECIAL

A BEAR'S CHRISTMAS TAIL

Originally broadcast: 21 December 2004
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Ben Palmer
James De Frond, Kate Daughton

SKETCHES:
Dermot O'Leary --- The Accident --- The Hennersons
The Neighbours --- The Wizard of Osbourne: The Chin Man
The Scriptwriter --- The Car --- Lethal Weapon 2
The Wizard of Osbourne: The Cowardly Lion --- Trisha
Dial-a-Babe --- Keith --- The Video Shop --- Avid & Sacha
Big Strong Boys --- The Wizard of Osbourne: The Scarecrow
Keith's Party --- The Mess --- Toy Advert --- Sorry Mum
Keith's Gift --- The Wizard of Osbourne: Sharon & Ozzy
Furry Tails

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 1
TOTAL: 3

SERIES ONE

(2004)
6 episodes
Series Score: 17
Episode Average: 2.83
Perfect 10's: 0

S1E1

THE GOOD, THE BEAR AND THE UGLY

Originally broadcast: 8 July 2005
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Ben Palmer
James De Frond, Kate Daughton

SKETCHES:
Bungle --- The Scriptwriter --- GMTV: Craig David
Keith --- Getting a Lift with Elliott --- Emmerdale Farm
The Hennersons --- Semen Street --- Dave Ian McCall
Avid & Sacha --- Dinner Party --- Bedtime Story
News: Michael Jackson Court Case

HOLY GODIVA 1 - ONION JACK 0
TOTAL: 1

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E2

ADVENTURES IN BEARBYSITTING

Originally broadcast: 15 July 2005
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Ben Palmer
James De Frond, Kate Daughton

SKETCHES:
Who's Sad? --- The Bear's Trumpet --- Family & Friends
Jimmy Carr's Top 100 Numbers --- Swearing Outside
Crabs Positive --- Trisha --- Obsessive Compulsive Disordoor
Bearbysitter Part 1 --- Video Shop --- Bearbysitter Part 2
Mel B: Desperate Housewife --- Bearbysitter Part 3
Keith Segways Over --- Pregnant --- Who's Sad?

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E3

THE SON ON BEAR-ELZEBUB

Originally broadcast: 22 July 2005
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Ben Palmer
James De Frond, Kate Daughton

SKETCHES:
Sign of the Devil --- Dream --- Parkinson --- Plumber
Keith: Born to be Wild --- Brooch --- Mel B: Desperate Housewife
I'm Done With This Show --- Leroy: The Black Postman
Parental Counselling --- Camping --- Avid & Sacha
Ghost Stories - Keith

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E4

MEET THE BEARANTS

Originally broadcast: 29 July 2005
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Ben Palmer
James De Frond, Kate Daughton

SKETCHES:
Meatabits --- Doing Donkey --- Semen Street --- Winding Up Keith
The Empire Strikes Black --- The Neighbours
Location Relocation Relocation Relocation Location Location
Car Sick --- Mark & Sheila --- The Black Postman --- Blackmail
Asking For a Favour --- Dancing Bear
Jacuzzi --- Dancing Bears

HOLY GODIVA 0 - ONION JACK 0
TOTAL: 0

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5

BLAME IT ON THE BEARBOY

Originally broadcast: 5 August 2005
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Ben Palmer
James De Frond, Kate Daughton

SKETCHES:
Name Tags --- Guess Who? --- Single White Female
Bent Eye for the Straight Guy with Bent Eyes --- Running Away
Keith: Charity --- Avid & Sacha --- The Neighbours --- Captured
Craig David: Faking It --- Dear Lillian --- Gippo's Circus
Parkinson --- Pull Yourself Together --- Video Shop
Ninja Lemon --- New Ring --- Jimmy Carr: 100 Greatest Condiments

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

TWO WEDDINGS, A BEAR & NO FUNERAL

Originally broadcast: 12 August 2005
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Ben Palmer
James De Frond, Kate Daughton

SKETCHES:
Another Proposal --- Keith: Stag Plans --- Doughnuts
Michael Jackson: Griller --- The Stag --- The Stripper
Kelly Osbourne: Bearbysitter --- Craig David: Price-Drop TV
Do the Voice --- Fitter Than Buffy --- Wedding --- Speeches
Reception --- Bedtime Story

HOLY GODIVA 1 - ONION JACK 1
TOTAL: 2

SPECIAL

(2005)

SPECIAL

AVID MERRION'S XXXMAS SPECIAL

Originally broadcast: 24 December 2005
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Ben Palmer

SKETCHES:
The Merrion Hotel --- Craig David --- The Verne Bear
Keith Lemon & Holly Valance --- The Oprah Winfrey Show
Old Mad Bastards --- Christmas Tree --- Wham Bam Thank You Pam
Heal Da World with Michael Jackson --- Very Hot
Marilyn Manson: Dolphin Safari - Corey Haim: At the Blady Movies
Semen Street On the Road --- Me Mate Tom: Relationships
Mel B's Crib --- Goldilocks --- Lost: Part 1 --- Avid & Shannen
Lost: Part 2 --- The Bear: Daryl Hannah --- Nancy Sorrell

HOLY GODIVA 1 - ONION JACK 0
TOTAL: 1

SERIES ONE

(2006)
6 episodes
Series Score: 6
Episode Average: 1.0
Perfect 10's: 0

S1E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 13 October 2006
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Ben Palmer

SKETCHES:
The Merrion Hotel --- Just the Other Day --- Bambino
Good Fun with Chris Martin --- Cameras --- Honey I Shrunk the Talent
The Michael Jackson Show: Pimp My Bride --- Keith Lemon
Craig David: Holly Valance --- Pete Doherty: The Jammy Dodger
The Friday Night Project --- Craig David: Girlfriend
Avid: Mexican Wolfboys --- The Bear: Jenny McCarthy
Old Mad Bastards --- Dido Checks Out --- Avid: Shannen Doherty
Avid & Sacha --- The Bear with Cherry BlackStone - Next Week On...

HOLY GODIVA 1 - ONION JACK 0
TOTAL: 1

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 20 October 2006
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Ben Palmer

SKETCHES:
Recap --- Mexican Wolfboys --- Simon Cowell - Lost
Jimmy Carr: America's Top 100 Tramps --- Avid Meets Justin Timberlake
Bear & Squirrel --- Michael Jackson: Workout DVD
The Tuesday Night Project --- Ideas For Menus --- Prettyish Woman
Keith Lemon & Fabio --- The Oprah Winfrey Show --- Long Face
The Bear & Cherry BlackStone --- Next Week On...

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 27 October 2006
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Ben Palmer

SKETCHES:
Please Don't Go --- Mexican Wolfboys
Good Fun with Chris Martin --- Practice Makes Perfect
George Michael --- Keith & Fabio: Securipole --- Mel B Survey
Marilyn Manson's Weird Weekends --- Gordon Ramsay Checks In
Bear & Verne --- Avid: Rollerskating with Shannen Doherty
Gordon Ramsay: Melon --- The Bear: Victoria Silvstedt
Old Mad Bastards --- Sacha: Wedding Album
The Bear & Cherry BlackStone --- Next Week On...

HOLY GODIVA 1 - ONION JACK 0
TOTAL: 1

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 3 November 2006
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Ben Palmer

SKETCHES:
Craig David: Complaint --- Wolfboy Kneivel
Good Fun with Chris Martin --- Avid: Dogs --- Elton John: Car Battery
Corey Haim: At the Blady Movies --- Keith Lemon: Deaf Leopard
The Michael Jackson Show: Fan Home Video --- Sacha & Ralph
Jimmy Carr: Americas Top 100 Mexicans
Avid: Shannon Elizabeth and Sambuca --- Mel B: Sausage
Keith & Fabio: Securipole Demonstration --- Elton & David
Avid & Sacha: Confessions --- The Bear and Cherry BlackStone
Next Week On...

HOLY GODIVA 0 - ONION JACK 0
TOTAL: 0

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 10 November 2006
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Ben Palmer

SKETCHES:
Keith Lemon: Donnie Darko --- Sad Ralph
Good Fun with Chris Martin --- Craig & Holly: I Don't Know
Sacha's Birthday --- Keith & Fabio: Every Man --- George Michael
The Bear: Toilet Brush --- Corey Haim: At the Blady Movies
Mick Hucknall: New Album --- Avid & Sacha: Dean Cain
Baywatch --- Jimmy Carr: America's Top 100 Fatties
Keith: Therapy --- Avid & Sacha: Tatties
The Bear & Cherry BlackStone --- Next Week On...

HOLY GODIVA 0 - ONION JACK 0
TOTAL: 0

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 10 November 2006
Directed by: Ben Palmer
Written by: Leigh Francis, Ben Palmer

SKETCHES:
Pete Doherty: Peas --- Recap --- Ralph's New Job
Mel B: Not a Care --- The Bear: New Job --- Keith Lemon: Failure
Marilyn Manson's Weird Weekends
Craig & Holly: Will You Remember Me?
The Oprah Winfrey Show: Pig Trotter Feet Syndrome
Avid's Average Day --- The Micheal Jackson Show: Tennis
Keith & Fabio: More Than Just Friends --- Avid & Sacha: Plans
The Carson Daly Show with The Bear --- Highlights
Securipole Commercial

HOLY GODIVA 0 - ONION JACK 0
TOTAL: 0

SPECIAL

(2009)

SPECIAL

CHA'MONE MO'FO'SELECTA!

A TRIBUTE TO MICHAEL JACKSON
Originally broadcast: 24 September 2009
Directed by: James De Frond
Written by: Leigh Francis, James De Frond

A different kind of tribute to the King of Pop.

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

Avid
Merrion

The
Bear

Craig
David

Mel
B

Michael
Jackson

Keith
Lemon

BO' SELECTA!

Derek
Acorah

TV Crank

BO' SELECTA!
Character:

Ali Osman

Soap Actor

BO' SELECTA!
Character:

Nick Cotton

Soap Actor

BO' SELECTA!

Peter
Andre

Singer / Jordan's Ex

BO' SELECTA!
Character:

Alan Jackson

Soap Actor

BO' SELECTA!

Atomic
Kitten

Girl Group

BO! IN THE USA

Traci
Bingham

Actress/Model

THE BEAR'S TAIL

The Black
Eyed Peas

Hip Hop Group

BO! IN THE USA

Richard
Blackwood

Comedian/Actor

THE BEAR'S TAIL
Character:

Leroy

Actor

BO' SELECTA!

Melanie
Blatt

Member of Girl Group

AVID MERRION'S
XXXMAS SPECIAL
Character:

Goldilocks

Model

THE BEAR'S CHRISTMAS TAIL
Character:

Mr. Wolf

Comedian/Actor

THE BEAR'S TAIL
Character:

Runner

Spice Girl

AVID MERRION'S
XXXMAS SPECIAL

Melanie
Brown

Spice Girl

BO' SELECTA!

Emma
Bunton

Spice Girl

BO! IN THE USA

Emma
Bunton

Spice Girl

CHA'MONE MO'FO'SELECTA!

Emma
Bunton

Spice Girl

BO! IN THE USA

Dean
Cain

Actor

BO' SELECTA!

Jimmy
Carr

Comedian

BO' SELECTA!

Sarah
Cawood

DJ/Radio Broadcaster

BO' SELECTA!

Melanie
C

Spice Girl

HO HO HO SELECTA

Jarvis
Cocker

Singer

HO HO HO SELECTA!
Character:

The Ghost of Christmas Future

Legend

THE BEAR'S TAIL

Jamie
Cullum

Singer

BO' SELECTA!

Tess
Daly

TV Presenter

BO' SELECTA!

Pete
Beale

Soap Actor

AVID MERRION'S
XXXMAS SPECIAL

Shannen
Doherty

Actress

BO! IN THE USA

Shannen
Doherty

Actress

BO' SELECTA!

Brian
Dowling

Big Brother Winner

BO' SELECTA!

Terri
Dwyer

Actress

THE BEAR'S TAIL

Jeremy
Edwards

Actor

BO! IN THE USA

Shannon
Elizabeth

Actress

HO HO HO SELECTA!
Character:

The Ghost of Christmas Past

Singer

BO' SELECTA!

Jennifer
Ellison

Actress

BO! IN THE USA

Fabio

Model

BO' SELECTA!

Jenni
Falconer

TV Presenter

THE BEAR'S CHRISTMAS TAIL
Character:

Carol Singer #2

TV Presenter

AVID MERRION'S
XXXMAS SPECIAL

Corey
Feldman

Actor

BO' SELECTA!

Vanessa
Feltz

TV Presenter

BO' SELECTA!
Character:

Bubbles

TV Presenter

THE BEAR'S TAIL
Character:

The Scriptwriter

Actor

BO' SELECTA!

Mariella
Frostrup

TV Presenter

BO' SELECTA!

Kirsty
Gallacher

TV Presenter

THE BEAR'S CHRISTMAS TAIL
Character:

Goldilocks

TV Presenter