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Hey, unless I didn’t use the S word.
Now, is not all bad. I mean, there are like… 7 good episodes… I’m kidding!! More like 9.
A lot of them are weird stuff that is never explained. I don’t like that. Once in a while, yeah is cool, but it is a lot of them, a lot of the time, and they are lazy as well. Feels really easy to write a X Files case. Just make up some strange stuff and then don’t explain it. Mulder cracks a few jokes, suggest some crazy theory, Scully does an autopsy, rolls her eyes, calls him a retard, he is right, and you’re free to go.
Some of them are good, some are alright, some are bad, some are shit. You know the drill with episodic shows. I don’t really have strong feelings about those, they are not really my problem. No, is the amazing lack of continuity and stagnation. Like, they never talk about stuff. Scully doesn't believe in any alien stuff or the conspiracy to cover it up, even when she saw alien bacteria or whatever and it was silenced, and at the end of season one she holds an alien in her hands, Mulder got kidnapped and beat up for it, and a dude died, but they never mention it again. Which leaves me to…
First problem: The Dynamic; Scully.
Chris really likes to milk the “I believe and I don’t believe” dynamic. It gets really old, real fast, man. Because of this milking, Scully’s character gets hurt. For the first six seasons or so, she reboots every episode. She sees some wild shit, seems like maybe she might open her horizons, but by the next episode, is like nothing ever really happened. And for all intents and purposes, might as well nothing had happened, because there’s almost never an acknowledgement of it. Like she was never there. Mulder suggest something, and she alright cuts him and refuses what he is saying by basically going: “Poppycock, Mulder, poppycock”. What? She lives in London, she probably talks like that all the time.
She is very condescending as well when she does it. Like it is so stupid and nonsensical, when she has seen worse shit.
They were only TWO moments in the whole nine original seasons, when Mulder does what I was doing constantly, and the first time is a very subtle one. He says in that one: “And how many times have I been wrong?” when being question by her about a supernatural or weird explanation for something. The second one is clearer and more like I was saying all the time. “Well, what about that one time?”
She sees some WILD shit, seems to accept it because is really hard not to, and then, episodes later, Mulder suggest something similar that is way less weird and she goes “Poppycock”. Like, bitch, you seem weirder stuff. What you mean that’s crazy?
It wouldn’t be so bad if she wasn’t so harsh about it. So definitive. “Alright, man, is probably not that, but lest go ahead”. Something like that. Because, indeed, Mulder is wrong sometimes. And of course, I don’t expect her to believe in something just cause something else under the same broad umbrella has happened, without evidence and stuff, but a lot of them are linked together, cut of the same cloth. And her first response is always to find it really stupid when she has witness them before.
You know what’s wild? When Reyes says she felt evil, and she responds by going: “I felt something like that before”. WHAT? You met the fucking devil. You talked to him, you saw him, he attacked you. Da fuck you mean you felt?
Is like she has Alzheimer’s or something. I’m telling you, she fucking reboots. She is the “rational one”, but she is being irrational by still trying to be so rational in the face of all this crazy shit. She’s met mutants, demons, angels, ghost, mythical creatures, a hot genie, visitors from other dimensions, a fucking yoda looking alien and STILL you can go: “I saw a cat with wings”. And she will go: “Poppycock”.
When Doggett gets introduced, Chris actually tries to find a reason as to why somebody could be so fucking obtuse. And you can actually see him be afraid of believing, at the beginning at least. Eventually he becomes like Scully was, calling everybody a retard. I mean, Scully had her reasons, but, not really. She was just being force to be what Chris wanted. Maybe she was afraid sometimes, but most of the time, she just thought it was all poppycock.
Chris likes to milk that shit so much that when she changed, he had to bring somebody else to do the same boring part. And I don’t believe she changed as a progression of her character, but because Doggett was coming and you can’t have two motherfuckers doing the same shtick.
The two never talk about the stuff they see, it doesn’t affect their worldviews that much, the way the look and think. Scully doesn’t wander why none of that shit is on the bible. In fact, all religions are based on alien stuff, apparently, so... Does that test her faith?
Problem 2: Forgotten ideas and genres not coexisting well.
This is more personal, I guess.
Like two demons threaten Scully and Mulder… and nothing happens. Lucifer himself did that with Scully and fuck all happened. “The demon knows you now”. Cool story, bro.
I don’t think futuristic alien technology works well with supernatural and demonic elements. I mean, is really funny to think about a final battle for supremacy between little gray man on flying saucers and actual biblical demons. Sci-fi and supernatural stuff feel so opposed to each other that I can’t really see them working well together. But I mean, is really personal, I guess, that is what a lot of people believe the real world is so… Don’t mind me. To me the idea of kicking down the door with a plasma gun and shooting the girl in the Exorcist feels very silly, but maybe others don’t. Maybe you would do that if in fact the power of God does not compel.
The way the X Files makes it work is by never having them interact with each other, which is basically not making them work together, so…
For that reason, a demon can threaten Mulder, and he still only cares about government conspiracies and aliens. You will think he would try to find shit about it to protect himself, but since the show only really cares about the alien and government stuff, it makes the world not feel alive and very much a jumbled mess.
If only they had a secondary overarching plotline with the demons, it might have work, but no. Demons do very petty shit and then they go away, happy to be able to get away with it. While the aliens are trying to replace humanity and conquer the earth or some shit. The demons are staying behind, mate. They are not sending us their best...
Either you have supernatural stuff and Lovecraftian aliens, or futuristic aliens with mutants and cyborgs and stuff, because you are probably not going to be able to do both well in tone, and is gonna go real bad.
There’s more, because a lot of the stuff that gets established in the cases, would change how the world works, but there is never any repercussion or consequences from them. Remember the genie? More on that in the next part.
Problem 3. The overarching alien plotline and Mulder’s sister.
This is the hard part because I stop caring about those plots in season 3 or about. Especially the sister one. I barely have anything to say. She is first abducted by aliens, then she was here all along, then no she is a clone, then it was the government, or she was killed by a serial killer and then her soul went to space heaven or something. I honestly loosed track. It keeps getting rewriting and it is annoying.
Is sad because the canon final story is good, but I just did not give a shit anymore. If it was all done in one season arc, then cool, but it is stretch for so long that is hard to care, man. Unlike Doggetts son, that gets resolved much faster, if only because they got cancelled, was much more satisfying.
About the aliens, well… Is just as stupid as it is in really life. Super advance aliens crashing on the planet, getting shoot down by human weapons, kidnapping humans for dumb reasons, needing to sneak like little bitches, trusting humans to do stuff despite reading minds and shit. Is all just very dumb. They do try to come up with a reason why they would crash in the last episodes of the original run, but it comes really late and still doesn’t really work. The super soldier needed to be very close to it, so a spaceship would have to be flying really low, so no much of a crash, and even then, they would learn how to avoid them, no? They don't have emergency brakes?
And again, I mention the lack of worldbuilding and consequences. Why not clone that dude that can literally bend reality with his imagination? An army of him might win you the war, buddy. Use the evil kid too. Why not? The genie anyone? She worked with presidents. The government has no idea? “I wish for an alien cure… no, eradicate the aliens”. She can do that!
What about the two AI's?
Why is the Smoking Man fucking inmortal?
I sincerely do not like this show at all. I enjoy it 30% of the time. The revival is absolute crap as well, three decent episodes, and two of them are comedy, so… Specially cause Chris decided to reinvent the wheel again and apparently all 9 previous seasons are a lie. Da hell?
They really dragged Monica’s character through the mud, huh?
The only good thing they did in the overall was to change a bit the relationship between them. They were already fucking in the original show, but they still talked to each other like always. You don't behave like that with the person you fucking. It was weird.
Look, I can't point every problem I saw, there are a lot of episodes and I forget. I could write for days in here, man. I decided too late to write this review.
Scully is a bad catholic, by the way.
Anyway.
Ice and Darkness Falls are great. Vince Gilligan episodes are usually good. Chris Carter episodes sometimes are. There is good in here, of course I was kidding when I said only 9, is more than that, like, 13. It is mostly bad tho. A lot of the episodes are forgettable and the overarching plots are an unnecessary complex mess. Fuck em. Is carried by decent leads, charismatic actors and not much else.
I’m going to bed now. Fringe is way better.
PS1: Simpsons crossover was god tier.
PS2: Why does Terry O'Quinn have like 3 different characters? WTF?
I’m surprised he is not on the revival too.
I’m surprised he is not on the revival too.
He’s on fucking Millenium as well? Jesus!
5/10
