Terror Blurbs III (An Ever-Expanding List)

Plot: A couple of friends stumble into the path of a mysterious killer clown on a Halloween rampage.

With characters and plot as thin as paper and actors that aren't exactly shining examples of the craft, you'd think that this one would fall apart. Instead, it uses these shortcomings to further the ambience of a seedy, gore-soaked, synth-laden 80's slasher. Terrifier goes straight for the jugular and is rather unapologetic about it, in the process it solidifies Art the Clown as a horror icon and provides fun, shocking, grisly, and trashy horror hijinks. Chances are, if you're watching it, you know what you came for.

Plot: One year after Art's spree, a troubled family will seemingly be destined to encounter the bizarre harlequin.

They say bigger isn't always better BUT they can be wrong. Terrifier 2 does everything bigger and mostly to its benefit. Well, with one possible exception, namely that it shows a lack of restraint with its editing. Running a bit overlong and feeling a smidge indulgent is, however, a fair trade for the chaos that ensues. Art's mythos is expounded upon, superior actors elevate the material, bonkers violence leaves the original's grue in the dust, and it actually gives you characters to cheer for in the process. Make no mistake, Terrifier 2 doesn't forget what its aiming for (sheer, bloody exploitation), rather it revels in it with sadistic glee.

Plot: A mother's pregnancy turns out to have demonic origins...hijinks ensue.

Oft cited as a prominent The Exorcist cash-in, Beyond the Door actually is seemingly more concerned with being off-the-wall weird than knocking off every beat. It all boils down to the expected exorcism proceedings by the end and with plenty of shoddy production values, bad acting/dubbing, bad effects, horrid writing, etc., but the real entertainment lies in the confoundingly strange story and character choices made throughout (and, no, these aren't the good type of strange). Good horror? No. REALLY BAD horror, actually. So bad, it's good? Kinda. Still, the film is an atrocity and I can't give it a good score despite its ability to amuse with its nonsense.

Plot: Things go from weird to worse after a couple of siblings are sent off to their estranged grandparents.

The Visit is conceptually interesting and, to be fair, it has some memorable moments but it largely falls prey to the trappings of the found footage format, some annoying characterization, and a number of unintentionally humorous (and deflating) sequences. Ironically, many people think M. Night "beat" the tropes of many found footage flicks. I believe he not only repeated them but forced entire sequences and shots to fit the medium, subsequently making them incredulous. A very mixed bag.

Plot: A young woman with a troubled past must contend with the many personalities of a disturbed man suffering from DID to find her way to freedom.

On top of a legitimately good script, an incredibly memorable performance from James McAvoy cements this as renown (and somewhat reviled, at that point) director M. Night Shyamalan's return to relevance. Drumming up plenty of suspense as it slowly unfurls before you, the picture benefits further from Anya Taylor-Joy as the female lead and an ending that goes for nuance rather than going for the jugular. Add to that some great direction and a titillating surprise after all is said and done and you have a winner with this piece that elegantly straddles several genres.

Plot: A family is besieged by a group hellbent on preventing a future seen in their shared apocalyptic visions that can only be prevented by a sacrifice.

A strikingly effective thriller that makes the audience walk a tightrope between belief and fear until its ultimate resolution. Readers of the source material might find the changes that come in the back half jarring as the book comes to a more "bitter" conclusion (among some other alterations) but I believe the film provides a more cathartic experience for its characters. Working off the power of strong performances (most notably Dave Bautista), the movie achieves an admirable level of suspense and makes it easy to invest in both protagonists and antagonists. Fair warning: Shyamalan fans that insist on twist endings might be disappointed.

Plot: A sorcerer burned at the stake by the Inquisition vows to return for vengeance. Three hundred years later the descendants of his captors suffer his wrath.

A simple concept that could have worked is hobbled by inept direction, editing, writing, acting, and effects. Some laughter can be mined from the crude effects, the overly drawn out sequences, the lamentable repetitiveness, and the dialogue but, really, it feels more of a loss that we didn't just get a decent supernatural revenge flick that took advantage of the old school vibes of the production.

Plot: Obsessed with his father's work, a scientist is soon caught in a web of intrigue that leads to a familiar fate.

Shot a year after the original's success, Return of the Fly had to contend with a new director, a smaller budget, going from color to black and white, and finding a way to make a man into a fly again. Wisely broadening a returning Vincent Price's role and showing restraint before the monster antics begin, the film plays out a lot better than it should. Oddly, it is when the fly itself comes into play that it loses some of its momentum and flirts a bit too much with convenience and hokum. Still, as far as sequels to old atomic age movies go, you could do worse.

Plot: A whirlwind romance is seemingly doomed by the secrets both parties hold...one of which is tied to the horrifying experiments in teleportation that led to disaster decades previous.

Despite some glaring continuity issues and a noticeable drop in budget, The Curse of the Fly is a surprisingly ambitious number that dares to eschew the need to give the audience another Fly monster and instead focuses on scientists whose integrity and morals have been tainted by their own needs. Coupled with an escalating series of events wrapped in a crime-mystery, the movie barrels toward mounting tragedy in a way that feels reminiscent of a Twilight Zone installment. Despite being somewhat predictable, Curse fares a lot better than expected...especially given its horrendous reputation.

Plot: An author's writing retreat becomes the focus of a notorious criminal's attention, but there is more to the events than meets the eye.

Often categorized as horror, The Bat is actually a mystery thriller and a rather shoddy one at that. Buoyed largely by the participation of the always lovable Vincent Price and an animated performance from Agnes Moorehead, the film shows its cards all too early and fails at creating much suspense, thrills, or chills. In fact, it mostly succeeds as coming off uninspired, clumsy, and flat.

Plot: A young biker recklessly inducts his entire gang into living death with the goal to undermine all that is good.

Also known as The Death Wheelers, Psychomania is not what many would call a good film and they'd largely be right. Nonetheless, there is something oddly enjoyable about it. From its distinct witchy vibe, to its funky 70's score, to its dry humorous undertones, to its odd blend of satanic horror and rebel youth subgenres, and some genuinely weird sequences, the film covers a lot of ground fast which makes it easy to forgive its inherent cheesiness and many production shortcomings. A definite product of its time that is very clearly trying to cash in on several crazes, Psychomania has a clunky charm to it. It's cheap, it's oddly edited, it's hammy...but it kinda stuck to me.

Plot: A group of psych ward patients stumble across a mysterious vial with links to a decades old outbreak.

Bearing all the worst markers of a direct-to-video offering of the time, this stinker makes the godforsaken mistake of attempting to attach itself to George A. Romero's revered Living Dead series. In context of Romero's continuity the movie makes absolutely no sense. Too boot it is poorly acted, written, directed, and doesn't even bother to keep up with its own logic. It is deservedly hated for trying to cash in on a beloved series. The irony is that, had it not attached its name to Romero's work it would probably have been better received as an energetic, if incredibly flawed, z-grade offering.

Plot: A prison is re-opened but its dark past ensures that nothing goes as planned.

A turgid stinker that takes its sweet time boring you with tonally incompetent drivel only to deliver shovelfuls of nothing when all is said and done. Confounding in its ineptitude on all production fronts. The only horror you'll encounter is the realization that you're watching a certified piece of garbage.

Plot: A writers getaway is interrupted by a slew of visitors gathering for a mysterious (and macabre) reason tied to their past.

A light horror-comedy in the vein of old-school horror thrillers ranging from the 30's to the days of Hammer that, though charming enough, is a bit too restrained for both the time period and, also, as an homage to days gone by. Featuring a bevy of genre legends (Price, Lee, Cushing, Carradine, & Sheila Keith) ensures you are delighted but it also leaves the viewer wishing the production had made better use of such an iconic cast. A twist ending is mandatory (telegraphed though it is) but the movie deflates itself by employing a second which falls relatively flat. One truly wonders what could of been had the whole affair been more daring.

Plot: John Kramer (aka Jigsaw) pursues an outlawed and controversial treatment for his cancer only to find that it is an elaborate con worthy of his brand of justice.

It's safe to call Saw X a return to form and one of the better installments in the series. Certainly, the best in a good while. Taking place between the original first two films allows us to properly revisit John at the height of his mission and plight while also fleshing out the touching relationship with his protege Amanda. And, for all who crave the grisly trappings (pun intended) of a Saw flick, this one features some gruesome offerings. Though it doesn't feel as tight as some of the installments and is a bit melodramatic (even for a Saw film) at times, it still feels like something we should of had in the stead of some of the lesser films in the series.

Plot: A man embittered by the death of his wife loses his daughter to the grip of something that challenges his disbelief but requires the work of many to defeat.

Far from the much maligned product most will have you think, Believer admirably sticks to the story of a faith (or a lack thereof) challenged by undeniable evil. If anything, it's adherence to this is its major stumbling block as not much new is brought to the table. Still, like the film it sequelizes it presents a steadily mounting series of events that challenge, reignite, or embolden the faith of those involved. A reverent tone is conjured up in the buildup but the latter end feels a bit rushed in comparison. The lack of an absolute when it comes to expelling evil both allows for a more far-reaching peak into multiple beliefs but it also, ironically, blurs the definition of a battle between good and evil. Make no mistake, this never reaches the heights of the original or Exorcist III but it exceeds other attempts at sequels.

Plot: Two men find themselves trapped in a dangerous game of life and death courtesy of a mysterious serial killer with a bent sense of justice.

Like it or not, Saw is a trendsetter in many regards and for better or worse. The subject matter (and how its presented) remains as divisive as ever but without a doubt it has carved out a rabid fandom and a place in horror history. Is it good, though? Short answer: yes. John Kramer (Tobin Bell) has rightfully become an icon of horror and this is all the more impressive when you consider his limited role in the first installment. Playing more like a gritty thriller than outright horror, Saw still manages to entice, engage, and electrify all these years later.

Plot: An industrial saboteur discovers the truth behind the food sensation that has enthralled the public and it ain't pretty.

The Stuff is an ambitious piece of tongue in cheek anti-consumerism horror that may feel like what happened if you mixed The Blob, They Live, and Halloween III together, threw in the charisma of lead actor Michael Moriarty, and called it a day. Is it as good as those movies? No, but there is that inherent Larry Cohen charm to it that certainly boosts its appeal. Sure there is an obvious need for a bigger budget, a meandering structure, and a choppy edit that makes you wonder what exactly is missing BUT the light nature of it and its loftier ambitions make it easy to over see the shortcomings. Cult classic? For sure.

Plot: A family buckling under life's pressure is further beleaguered by something that is slowly taking their identity for its own purposes.

Body snatcher body horror has been done many times and, certainly, in vastly superior ways. Kudos to the filmmakers for making something that looks and feels like something way more expensive than the paltry $89,000 budget but, while there are a few moments that show promise, they are lodged in the midst of dull, repetitive, and predictable scenarios that lack any solid tension. The results are overwhelmingly basic, for lack of better words. Acting is uneven, dialogue vacillates from eye-rolling to dense, and the lens lacks creative oomph. Some might argue this is a slow burn but, really, it's a film that is in dire need of an edit and better writing.

Plot: Musical rendition of the famed flicks where a group of youngsters unleash great evil in a cabin deep in the woods.

Though I love both musicals and Evil Dead, I have very little love for Evil Dead: The Musical. The first act proves a loud, abrasive affair rife with obnoxious characters, eye-rolling humor, and largely poor musical numbers. However, the second act shapes up to be a far better effort with much more clever gags, a more fine-tuned sense of self-awareness, a better assortment of catchy numbers, and a number of memorable moments. For the hardcore completionists or those that don't mind wading through the muck to find a couple of gems.

Plot: After a near death experience, a man is linked to a hellish killer's mind ...and vice versa.

If you're looking for a good adaptation of the material this is based on (Dean Koontz's Hideaway) then abandon all hope before entering here. As its own product Hideaway fails just as hard. Tedious, overly long, lacking subtlety or suspense, and looking and sounding like the essence of every bad 90's movie, the film offers up predictable mush with zero thrills or chills.

Plot: A businesswoman is trapped in a parking structure with an obsessed psychopath over the holiday shutdown.

P2 doesn't reinvent any wheels BUT it does ring a lot more relevant now than it did upon its release with its villain being one of the dreaded "nice guys" that usually reside in incel broods. The movie's very straightforward nature, its aesthetic, and its small but effective cast serve it well as it crawls towards its finale. Shades of exploitation flicks abound and the Christmas setting gives it somewhat of a memorable flavor. An underappreciated little horror thriller.

Plot: The Vatican's chief exorcist takes on a possession case that proves more significant than anticipated.

A slog of cliches, tropes, and cringe that culminates in a mush of CGI and sequel baiting. There are nuggets of ideas that may have lead to something good were the writing not so indescribably bad. There is no regard toward a serious take on the real life accounts but, unfortunately, the heavily fictionalized version doesn't stand on its own in the least. About the only saving grace in this shambolic, bloated mess is Russel Crowe, who is a smidge more developed than the mass of generic characters that populate it.

Plot: A disgraced kamikaze pilot carries a tremendous burden of guilt but when a threat from the past rises in the wake of man's folly he sees a chance for redemption.

Godzilla Minus One is undoubtedly the best Godzilla movie ever made. Taking the strengths of the original source material and wedding them with a moving tale of shame and redemption, spawns the rarest kind of monster movie...one where you care for the human characters more than the rampaging beasts and destruction. Biding its time, the film manages to bring emotions and tense sequences to a tremendous boil before unleashing the titular beast with surgical precision to thrilling effect time and time again. Not only does this film juggle effects, a period setting, drama, and cinematography evocative of the franchises' past but it does so with jaw-dropping ease (especially considering its paltry budget of 15 million). A story of a man finding his worth in the face of adversity, a tale of a nation reclaiming the identity stolen by war and their government, and, yes, a monster story that honors the past but also manages to give us something vastly superior. Excellent.

Plot: A series of alarming paranormal events brings three investigators and a detective to a small Argentinian neighborhood where uncanny things are leaking into our world.

Director Demian Rugna roared onto the international scene with this intense and atmospheric piece known State-side as Terrified. Taking on the stronger facets of haunt/possession films but then injecting them with a unique set of motives and mythos gives the material a new kind of life that feels both familiar but excitingly fresh. A strong cast, creative imagery, and some truly gorgeous horror set pieces are just the cherry on the sundae. Subtle at times, strikingly brazen at others, Terrified is a winning formula.

Plot: Being called to investigate a purported immaculate conception at a convent, a priest finds himself not in the crosshairs of a secret society, powerful forces, ominous events, and unbending prophecy itself.

Deliver Us will like leave most feeling like they saw something with wasted potential. What is undeniable is that it is beautifully shot, has strong moments that even dissenters can appreciate, and carries with it a notable atmosphere. For a smaller contingent, Deliver Us will walk familiar territory in an engaging fashion that will linger long past viewing. I found myself in the latter category more than the former.