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Movie list created by Agent Kermit D. Fonz 
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District Attorney Rothko: You're lucky I'm not indicting you for assault with intent to commit murder.
Harry Callahan: What?
District Attorney Rothko: Where the hell does it say that you've got a right to kick down doors, torture suspects, deny medical attention and legal counsel? Where have you been? Does Escobedo ring a bell? Miranda? I mean, you must have heard of the Fourth Amendment. What I'm saying is that man had rights.
Harry Callahan: Well, I'm all broken up about that man's rights.
Chief: Have you been following that man?
Harry Callahan: Yeah, I've been following him on my own time. And anybody can tell I didn't do that to him.
Chief: How?
Harry Callahan: Cause he looks too damn good, that's how!
Harry Callahan: I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?
Harry Callahan: What?
District Attorney Rothko: Where the hell does it say that you've got a right to kick down doors, torture suspects, deny medical attention and legal counsel? Where have you been? Does Escobedo ring a bell? Miranda? I mean, you must have heard of the Fourth Amendment. What I'm saying is that man had rights.
Harry Callahan: Well, I'm all broken up about that man's rights.
Chief: Have you been following that man?
Harry Callahan: Yeah, I've been following him on my own time. And anybody can tell I didn't do that to him.
Chief: How?
Harry Callahan: Cause he looks too damn good, that's how!
Harry Callahan: I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Mr. Potato Head: Oh, really? I'm from Playskool.
Rex: And I'm from Mattel. Well, I'm not really from Mattel, I'm actually from a smaller company that was purchased by Mattel in a leveraged buyout.
Buzz: I've set my laser from stun to kill.
Woody: Oh, great. If anyone attacks we can blink em' to death.
Buzz: I don't believe that man's ever been to medical school!
Buzz: You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.
Rex: And I'm from Mattel. Well, I'm not really from Mattel, I'm actually from a smaller company that was purchased by Mattel in a leveraged buyout.
Buzz: I've set my laser from stun to kill.
Woody: Oh, great. If anyone attacks we can blink em' to death.
Buzz: I don't believe that man's ever been to medical school!
Buzz: You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Warlock (1989)
Kassandra: Check this! Some guy from the seventeenth century telling me how to drive. They learn fast, don't they?
Little Boy: You tellin' me you're a witch? You ain't no witch! Witches are girls!
Warlock: Some are men.
Little Boy: Yeah? So where's your broomstick?
Giles Redferne: Lest you favor throttlings to the ears and face, bear west here.
Cabbie: They wonder why we hate the Lakers.
Little Boy: You tellin' me you're a witch? You ain't no witch! Witches are girls!
Warlock: Some are men.
Little Boy: Yeah? So where's your broomstick?
Giles Redferne: Lest you favor throttlings to the ears and face, bear west here.
Cabbie: They wonder why we hate the Lakers.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Honor and Glory (1992)
Jason Slade: Only death, can retire Jason Slade!
Jason Slade: Do you know a nuclear trigger from a Bulgarian dildo? Because I don't.
Jason Slade: Do you know a nuclear trigger from a Bulgarian dildo? Because I don't.
The Prophecy (1995)
Gabriel: Study your math, kids. Key to the Universe.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Mortal Kombat (1995)
Lord Rayden: What have you done?
Johnny Cage: I made a choice. This is OUR tournament, remember? Mortal Kombat. WE fight it!
Lord Rayden: Good. At last one of them has understood.
Lord Rayden: I have looked into their souls... and yours. One of you three with determine the outcome of the tournament. The fate of billions depends upon you. Heh, heh, heh!
Lord Rayden: Sorry.
ohnny Cage: We got a guy with things comin' out of his hands, we got another guy who freezes stuff, and then there's a man, who as far as I can tell, is made out of electricity. I mean, how did he disappear like that? What is goin' on here? WHO IS THIS GUY?
Sonya Blade: Let's just think this through. There IS a rational explanation for all this.
Liu Kang: He's Rayden, God of Lightning and Protector of The Realm of Earth.
Sonya Blade: Oh, great.
Johnny Cage: Well, THERE'S your rational explanation.
Shang Tsung: Your soul is mine...
Shang Tsung: Fatality.
Johnny Cage: I'm in a hostile environment. I'm totally unprepared. And I'm surrounded by a bunch of guys who probably want to kick my ass... it's like being back in high school.
Johnny Cage: Don't worry, I've got a plan.
Sonya Blade: Oh, I can't believe this! You are the most egotistical, self-deluded person I have ever met!
Johnny Cage: Yeah, well you forgot good looking.
Johnny Cage: Those were $500 sunglasses, asshole.
Johnny Cage: I made a choice. This is OUR tournament, remember? Mortal Kombat. WE fight it!
Lord Rayden: Good. At last one of them has understood.
Lord Rayden: I have looked into their souls... and yours. One of you three with determine the outcome of the tournament. The fate of billions depends upon you. Heh, heh, heh!
Lord Rayden: Sorry.
ohnny Cage: We got a guy with things comin' out of his hands, we got another guy who freezes stuff, and then there's a man, who as far as I can tell, is made out of electricity. I mean, how did he disappear like that? What is goin' on here? WHO IS THIS GUY?
Sonya Blade: Let's just think this through. There IS a rational explanation for all this.
Liu Kang: He's Rayden, God of Lightning and Protector of The Realm of Earth.
Sonya Blade: Oh, great.
Johnny Cage: Well, THERE'S your rational explanation.
Shang Tsung: Your soul is mine...
Shang Tsung: Fatality.
Johnny Cage: I'm in a hostile environment. I'm totally unprepared. And I'm surrounded by a bunch of guys who probably want to kick my ass... it's like being back in high school.
Johnny Cage: Don't worry, I've got a plan.
Sonya Blade: Oh, I can't believe this! You are the most egotistical, self-deluded person I have ever met!
Johnny Cage: Yeah, well you forgot good looking.
Johnny Cage: Those were $500 sunglasses, asshole.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Undefeatable (1993)
Nick DiMarco: Paul Taylor, goes by the street-name "Stingray." You know him?
Kristi Jones: ... but I heard of him. He's pretty brutal. That's why they call him "The Stingray."
Kristi Jones: ... but I heard of him. He's pretty brutal. That's why they call him "The Stingray."
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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A Goofy Movie (1995)
Goofy: This is a vacation with me and my best buddy.
Max: Donald Duck?
Goofy: No, silly, with you!
Max: It's only Powerline, Dad, the biggest rock star on the planet.
Goofy: Not bigger than Xavier Cugat, the mambo king. Everybody mambo!
Goofy: Hey, Maxie. Let's play a game. You think of someone and I'll try to guess who it is. Man or woman?
Max: Aw, man.
Goofy: Man? Hmm... That's a toughy... let's see... Walt Disney!
Max: Right.
Goofy: Boy, I'm good at this! Now I'll think of one.
Pete: Taking a break from the MTV Generation, eh? I can't say I blame you.
Pete: People are always putting too much water in these things.
Goofy: Hey, Maxie. Let's play a game. You think of someone and I'll try to guess who it is. Man or woman?
Max: Aw, man.
Goofy: Man? Hmm... That's a toughy... let's see... Walt Disney!
Max: Right.
Goofy: Boy, I'm good at this! Now I'll think of one.
Max: Donald Duck?
Goofy: No, silly, with you!
Max: It's only Powerline, Dad, the biggest rock star on the planet.
Goofy: Not bigger than Xavier Cugat, the mambo king. Everybody mambo!
Goofy: Hey, Maxie. Let's play a game. You think of someone and I'll try to guess who it is. Man or woman?
Max: Aw, man.
Goofy: Man? Hmm... That's a toughy... let's see... Walt Disney!
Max: Right.
Goofy: Boy, I'm good at this! Now I'll think of one.
Pete: Taking a break from the MTV Generation, eh? I can't say I blame you.
Pete: People are always putting too much water in these things.
Goofy: Hey, Maxie. Let's play a game. You think of someone and I'll try to guess who it is. Man or woman?
Max: Aw, man.
Goofy: Man? Hmm... That's a toughy... let's see... Walt Disney!
Max: Right.
Goofy: Boy, I'm good at this! Now I'll think of one.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Braveheart (1995)
William Wallace: Every man dies, not every man really lives.
Young William: What are they doin'?
Argyle Wallace: Saying goodbye in their own way. Playing outlawed tunes on outlawed pipes.
William Wallace: Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!
Young William: What are they doin'?
Argyle Wallace: Saying goodbye in their own way. Playing outlawed tunes on outlawed pipes.
William Wallace: Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995)
Van Helsing: Count Dracula. Hmm, curious. Are you descended from Vlad Tapish? The first Dracula?
Dr. Steward: Tapish?
Van Helsing: Ya. It means 'The Impaler.' He was a blood-thirsty butchah. He inflicted unspeakable tortures on the peasants: cutting off their hands and feet, gouging out their eyes and then impaling them on iron spikes!
Dracula: They had it coming.
Jonathan Harker: She's alive?
Van Helsing: She's Nosferatu.
Jonathan Harker: She's Italian?
Jonathan Harker: Oh! This is, this is ghastly!
Van Helsing: Yes, you're right. We should have put newspapers down!
Dr. Steward: Put him in a straitjacket and give him an enema! Wait, give him an enema FIRST, then put him in a straitjacket!
Dr. Steward: Tapish?
Van Helsing: Ya. It means 'The Impaler.' He was a blood-thirsty butchah. He inflicted unspeakable tortures on the peasants: cutting off their hands and feet, gouging out their eyes and then impaling them on iron spikes!
Dracula: They had it coming.
Jonathan Harker: She's alive?
Van Helsing: She's Nosferatu.
Jonathan Harker: She's Italian?
Jonathan Harker: Oh! This is, this is ghastly!
Van Helsing: Yes, you're right. We should have put newspapers down!
Dr. Steward: Put him in a straitjacket and give him an enema! Wait, give him an enema FIRST, then put him in a straitjacket!
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Johnny Mnemonic (1995)
Johnny Mnemonic: Listen. You listen to me. You see that city over there? THAT'S where I'm supposed to be. Not down here with the dogs, and the garbage, and the fucking last month's newspapers blowing back and forth. I've had it with them, I've had it with you, I've had it with ALL THIS - I want ROOM SERVICE! I want the club sandwich, I want the cold Mexican beer, I want a $10,000-a-night hooker! I want my shirts laundered... like they do... at the Imperial Hotel... in Tokyo.
Johnny Mnemonic: Yeah, the Black Shakes. What causes it?
Spider: What causes it?
Spider: This causes it! This causes it! This causes it! Information overload! All the electronics around you poisoning the airwaves. Technological fucking civilization. But we still have all this shit, because we can't live without it. Let me do my work.
Johnny Mnemonic: Yeah, the Black Shakes. What causes it?
Spider: What causes it?
Spider: This causes it! This causes it! This causes it! Information overload! All the electronics around you poisoning the airwaves. Technological fucking civilization. But we still have all this shit, because we can't live without it. Let me do my work.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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John Trent: This book is going to drive people absolutely mad!
Jackson Harglow: Well, let's hope so. The movie comes out next month.
John Trent: Every species can smell its own extinction. The last ones left won't have a pretty time with it. In ten years, maybe less, the human race will just be a bedtime story for their children. A myth, nothing more.
John Trent: God's not supposed to be a hack horror writer.
John Trent: Oh, no, not The Carpenters...
Sutter Cane: Did I ever tell you my favorite color was blue?ย
Axe Maniac: Do you read Sutter Cane?ย
Jackson Harglow: Well, let's hope so. The movie comes out next month.
John Trent: Every species can smell its own extinction. The last ones left won't have a pretty time with it. In ten years, maybe less, the human race will just be a bedtime story for their children. A myth, nothing more.
John Trent: God's not supposed to be a hack horror writer.
John Trent: Oh, no, not The Carpenters...
Sutter Cane: Did I ever tell you my favorite color was blue?ย
Axe Maniac: Do you read Sutter Cane?ย
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Dade Murphy: Hack the planet! Hack the planet!
The Freak: Ya wanna be elite? Ya gotta go a righteous hack.
Razor: Jolt Cola. THE soft drink of the elite hacker.
Curtis: If it isn't Leopard Boy and the Decepticons.
Dade Murphy: Anything else, mom? You want me to mow the lawn? Oops! I forgot, New York, No grass.
Cereal Killer: We have just gotten a wake-up call from the Nintendo Generation.
The Plague: You wanted to know who I am, Zero Cool? Well, let me explain the New World Order. Governments and corporations need people like you and me. We are Samurai... the Keyboard Cowboys... and all those other people who have no idea what's going on are the cattle... Moooo.
Dade Murphy: What is it with this guy?
Ramon Sanchez: His parents missed Woodstock, and he's been making up for it since.
Cereal Killer: Spandex: it's a privilege, not a right.
The Plague: Type "cookie", you idiot.
The Freak: Ya wanna be elite? Ya gotta go a righteous hack.
Razor: Jolt Cola. THE soft drink of the elite hacker.
Curtis: If it isn't Leopard Boy and the Decepticons.
Dade Murphy: Anything else, mom? You want me to mow the lawn? Oops! I forgot, New York, No grass.
Cereal Killer: We have just gotten a wake-up call from the Nintendo Generation.
The Plague: You wanted to know who I am, Zero Cool? Well, let me explain the New World Order. Governments and corporations need people like you and me. We are Samurai... the Keyboard Cowboys... and all those other people who have no idea what's going on are the cattle... Moooo.
Dade Murphy: What is it with this guy?
Ramon Sanchez: His parents missed Woodstock, and he's been making up for it since.
Cereal Killer: Spandex: it's a privilege, not a right.
The Plague: Type "cookie", you idiot.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Clueless (1995)
Josh: You look like Pippi Longstocking.
Cher: Well you look like Forrest Gump. Who's Pippi Longstocking?
Josh: Someone Mel Gibson never played.
Josh: Hey, James Bond, in America we drive on the right side of the road.
Cher: I am. You try driving in platforms.
Mel: Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you.
Cher: It's like that book I read in the 9th grade that said "'tis a far far better thing doing stuff for other people."
Cher: So, this flannel thing. Is that a nod to the crispy Seattle weather, or are you just trying to stay warm in front of the refrigerator?
Josh: We might get Marky Mark to plant a celebrity tree.
Cher: Oh how fabulous. Getting Marky Mark to take time from his busy pants dropping schedule to plant trees.
Cher: That's Ren and Stimpy. They're way existential.
Mel: What's with you, kid? You think the death of Sammy Davis left an opening in the Rat Pack?
Cher: Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.
Heather: It's just like Hamlet said, "To thine own self be true."
Cher: Hamlet didn't say that.
Heather: I think I remember Hamlet accurately.
Cher: Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn't say that. That Polonius guy did.
Travis: I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the LA city bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid and last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonalds who spend hours making those egg McMuffins without which I might never be tardy.
Cher: Well you look like Forrest Gump. Who's Pippi Longstocking?
Josh: Someone Mel Gibson never played.
Josh: Hey, James Bond, in America we drive on the right side of the road.
Cher: I am. You try driving in platforms.
Mel: Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you.
Cher: It's like that book I read in the 9th grade that said "'tis a far far better thing doing stuff for other people."
Cher: So, this flannel thing. Is that a nod to the crispy Seattle weather, or are you just trying to stay warm in front of the refrigerator?
Josh: We might get Marky Mark to plant a celebrity tree.
Cher: Oh how fabulous. Getting Marky Mark to take time from his busy pants dropping schedule to plant trees.
Cher: That's Ren and Stimpy. They're way existential.
Mel: What's with you, kid? You think the death of Sammy Davis left an opening in the Rat Pack?
Cher: Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.
Heather: It's just like Hamlet said, "To thine own self be true."
Cher: Hamlet didn't say that.
Heather: I think I remember Hamlet accurately.
Cher: Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn't say that. That Polonius guy did.
Travis: I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the LA city bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid and last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonalds who spend hours making those egg McMuffins without which I might never be tardy.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Desperado (1995)
Buscemi: Can I get a cleaner mug? This one's dirty.
Short Bartender: Fuck you man! That's the cleanest one I got!
El Mariachi: You know, it's easier to pull the trigger than play guitar. Easier to destroy than to create.
El Mariachi: I'm looking for a man who calls himself Bucho. That's all. And you had to do it the hard way.
Short Bartender: Fuck you man! That's the cleanest one I got!
El Mariachi: You know, it's easier to pull the trigger than play guitar. Easier to destroy than to create.
El Mariachi: I'm looking for a man who calls himself Bucho. That's all. And you had to do it the hard way.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Principal: Mr. Madison, what you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Carl: I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car, you should have had some.
Eric: Well, maybe if you told me they were delicious Triscuit crackers I could have enjoyed them with you.
Carl: I'm sorry.
Eric: Well, "sorry" doesn't put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Carl?
Kid: Mortal Kombat, on Sega Genesis, is the best video game ever.
Billy Madison: I disagree, it's a very good game, but I think Donkey Kong is the best game ever.
Kid: Donkey Kong sucks.
Billy Madison: You know something? YOU SUCK!
Carl: I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car, you should have had some.
Eric: Well, maybe if you told me they were delicious Triscuit crackers I could have enjoyed them with you.
Carl: I'm sorry.
Eric: Well, "sorry" doesn't put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Carl?
Kid: Mortal Kombat, on Sega Genesis, is the best video game ever.
Billy Madison: I disagree, it's a very good game, but I think Donkey Kong is the best game ever.
Kid: Donkey Kong sucks.
Billy Madison: You know something? YOU SUCK!
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Captain Kirk: Note to Galley; Romulan Ale no longer to be served at diplomatic functions.
Captain James T. Kirk: Bones, are you afraid of the future?
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D.: I believe that was the general idea that I was trying to convey.
Captain James T. Kirk: I don't mean this future.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D.: What is this, multiple choice?
Captain Spock: If I were human I believe my response would be "go to hell."... If I were human.
Commander Pavel Chekov: Course heading, Captain?
Captain James T. Kirk: Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning.
Captain James T. Kirk: People think the future means the end of history, well, we haven't run out of history just yet.
Captain James T. Kirk: Bones, are you afraid of the future?
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D.: I believe that was the general idea that I was trying to convey.
Captain James T. Kirk: I don't mean this future.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D.: What is this, multiple choice?
Captain Spock: If I were human I believe my response would be "go to hell."... If I were human.
Commander Pavel Chekov: Course heading, Captain?
Captain James T. Kirk: Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning.
Captain James T. Kirk: People think the future means the end of history, well, we haven't run out of history just yet.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Andy Dufresne: You know what the Mexicans say about the Pacific?
Red: No.
Andy Dufresne: They say it has no memory. That's where I want to live the rest of my life. A warm place with no memory.
Andy Dufresne: I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
Red: Andy Dufresne, who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side.
Red: No.
Andy Dufresne: They say it has no memory. That's where I want to live the rest of my life. A warm place with no memory.
Andy Dufresne: I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
Red: Andy Dufresne, who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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The Ref (1994)
Gus: From now on, the only person who gets to yell is me. Why? Because I have a gun. People with guns get to do whatever they want. Married people without guns - for instance - you - DO NOT get to yell. Why? NO GUNS! No guns, no yelling. See? Simple little equation.
Gus: Great, I hijacked my fucking parents.
Gus: Connecticut is the fifth ring of hell.
Gus: Great, I hijacked my fucking parents.
Gus: Connecticut is the fifth ring of hell.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Pulp Fiction (1994)
Jules: I want you to go in that bag, and find my wallet.
Pumpkin: Which one is it?
Jules: It's the one that says Bad Motherfucker.
Marsellus: In the fifth, your ass goes down. Say it.
Butch: In the fifth, my ass goes down.
Jules: Whether or not what we experienced was an According to Hoyle miracle is insignificant. What is significant is that I felt the touch of God. God got involved.
The Wolf: Now boys, listen up. We're going to a place called Monster Joe's Truck and Tow. I'll drive the tainted car. Jules, you ride with me. Vincent, you follow in my Acura. We run across the path of any John Q. Laws, nobody does a fucking thing unless I do it first. What did I just say?
Jules: Don't do shit unless.
The Wolf: Unless what?
Jules: Unless you do it first.
The Wolf: Spoken like a true prodigy. How about you, Lash LaRue? You think you can keep your spurs from jinglin' and janglin'?
Vincent: Look, Mr. Wolf, my gun went off, I don't know why, and now you're helping us out of the situation. I'm cool with it, all right?
The Wolf: Fair enough. Now I drive real fucking fast, so keep up. I get my car back any differently than when I gave it, Monster Joe's gonna be disposing of two bodies.
Jules: Now Yolanda, we're not gonna do anything stupid, are we?
Yolanda: You don't hurt him.
Jules: Nobody's gonna hurt anybody. We're gonna be like three little Fonzies here. And what's Fonzie like? Come on Yolanda what's Fonzie like?
Yolanda: Cool?
Jules: What?
Yolanda: He's cool.
Jules: Correctamundo. And that's what we're gonna be. We're gonna be cool. Now Ringo, I'm gonna count to three, and when I count three, you let go of your gun, and sit your ass down. But when you do it, you do it cool. Ready? One... two... three.
Yolanda: All right, now you let him go.
Jules: Yolanda, I thought you said you were gonna be cool. Now when you yell at me, it makes me nervous. And when I get nervous, I get scared. And when motherfuckers get scared, that's when motherfuckers accidentally get shot.
Yolanda: You just know, you touch him, you die.
Jules: Well, that seems to be the situation. But I don't want that. And you don't want that. And Ringo here definitely doesn't want that.
Jules: The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee.ย
Mia: Don't you hate that?ย
Vincent: What?ย
Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?ย
Vincent: I don't know. That's a good question.ย
Mia: That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.ย
Fabienne: Whose motorcycle is this?ย
Butch: It's a chopper, baby.ย
Fabienne: Whose chopper is this?ย
Butch: It's Zed's.ย
Fabienne: Who's Zed?ย
Butch: Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.
Pumpkin: Which one is it?
Jules: It's the one that says Bad Motherfucker.
Marsellus: In the fifth, your ass goes down. Say it.
Butch: In the fifth, my ass goes down.
Jules: Whether or not what we experienced was an According to Hoyle miracle is insignificant. What is significant is that I felt the touch of God. God got involved.
The Wolf: Now boys, listen up. We're going to a place called Monster Joe's Truck and Tow. I'll drive the tainted car. Jules, you ride with me. Vincent, you follow in my Acura. We run across the path of any John Q. Laws, nobody does a fucking thing unless I do it first. What did I just say?
Jules: Don't do shit unless.
The Wolf: Unless what?
Jules: Unless you do it first.
The Wolf: Spoken like a true prodigy. How about you, Lash LaRue? You think you can keep your spurs from jinglin' and janglin'?
Vincent: Look, Mr. Wolf, my gun went off, I don't know why, and now you're helping us out of the situation. I'm cool with it, all right?
The Wolf: Fair enough. Now I drive real fucking fast, so keep up. I get my car back any differently than when I gave it, Monster Joe's gonna be disposing of two bodies.
Jules: Now Yolanda, we're not gonna do anything stupid, are we?
Yolanda: You don't hurt him.
Jules: Nobody's gonna hurt anybody. We're gonna be like three little Fonzies here. And what's Fonzie like? Come on Yolanda what's Fonzie like?
Yolanda: Cool?
Jules: What?
Yolanda: He's cool.
Jules: Correctamundo. And that's what we're gonna be. We're gonna be cool. Now Ringo, I'm gonna count to three, and when I count three, you let go of your gun, and sit your ass down. But when you do it, you do it cool. Ready? One... two... three.
Yolanda: All right, now you let him go.
Jules: Yolanda, I thought you said you were gonna be cool. Now when you yell at me, it makes me nervous. And when I get nervous, I get scared. And when motherfuckers get scared, that's when motherfuckers accidentally get shot.
Yolanda: You just know, you touch him, you die.
Jules: Well, that seems to be the situation. But I don't want that. And you don't want that. And Ringo here definitely doesn't want that.
Jules: The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee.ย
Mia: Don't you hate that?ย
Vincent: What?ย
Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?ย
Vincent: I don't know. That's a good question.ย
Mia: That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.ย
Fabienne: Whose motorcycle is this?ย
Butch: It's a chopper, baby.ย
Fabienne: Whose chopper is this?ย
Butch: It's Zed's.ย
Fabienne: Who's Zed?ย
Butch: Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Freaked (1993)
Ricky Coogan: I wonder if I they're still casting "Gremlins 3"..
Ortiz the Dog Boy: Twelve milkmen IS theoretically possible. Thirteen is silly. Looks like there's one milkman too many, Coogan!
Ricky Coogan: Santa Flan... What kinda of shitty name for a country is that?
Ortiz the Dog Boy: Twelve milkmen IS theoretically possible. Thirteen is silly. Looks like there's one milkman too many, Coogan!
Ricky Coogan: Santa Flan... What kinda of shitty name for a country is that?
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Doc Holliday: I'm your huckleberry...
Doc Holliday: Maybe poker's just not your game, Ike. I know: let's have a spelling contest.
Doc Holliday: Why Johnny Ringo, you look like somebody just walked over your grave.
Doc Holliday: Maybe poker's just not your game, Ike. I know: let's have a spelling contest.
Doc Holliday: Why Johnny Ringo, you look like somebody just walked over your grave.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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The Secret of My Success (1987)
Brantley Foster: All right, listen up. If there are any bugs in here, or rats, or anything that has more legs than I do, you just stay on your side of the room, okay? I'll stay on mine. I should warn you, I'm packing an iron.
Christy Wills: Why do you keep saying the exact opposite of what I say?
Brantley Foster: Because you keep saying such stupid things.
Christy Wills: Why do you keep saying the exact opposite of what I say?
Brantley Foster: Because you keep saying such stupid things.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993)
Prince John: And why should the people listen to you?
Robin Hood: Because, unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent.
Robin Hood: As my first order of business, I would like to appoint a new Sheriff... my friend Ahchoo.
Crowd: A black sheriff?
Blinkin: He's black?
Ahchoo: And why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles.
Angry Villager: There must be another way of doing the credits.
Fire Marshal: That's right. Every time they make a Robin Hood movie, they burn our village down!
Robin Hood: Because, unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent.
Robin Hood: As my first order of business, I would like to appoint a new Sheriff... my friend Ahchoo.
Crowd: A black sheriff?
Blinkin: He's black?
Ahchoo: And why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles.
Angry Villager: There must be another way of doing the credits.
Fire Marshal: That's right. Every time they make a Robin Hood movie, they burn our village down!
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Sam Campagna: Frank, The President sent his limo for you.
Lilly Raines: Well, that's the least he could do.
Frank Horrigan: Good, I love public transportation.
Frank Horrigan: You're looking at a living legend, Lilly. The only active agent who ever lost a president.
Lilly Raines: Well, that's the least he could do.
Frank Horrigan: Good, I love public transportation.
Frank Horrigan: You're looking at a living legend, Lilly. The only active agent who ever lost a president.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Rudy: See? Told ya. Only one way to kill a werewolf.
Boys, time is almost up.
Scary German Guy: For last chance of some pie.
Rudy: Where the hell am I supposed to find silver bullets? K-Mart?
Patrick: Rudy, where you going?
Rudy: I'm in the goddamn club aren't I?
Horace: Wolfmanโs got nards!
Horace: No, Sean! Scary house! Real monsters! Us, twelve years old, remember?
Sean: Midnight, end of the world, remember?
Horace: Maybe he's a spy.
Sean: Oh good idea! We're not at war with Germany.
Phoebe: We were at war with Vietnam.
Sean: What?
Phoebe: It's in Rambo!
Boys, time is almost up.
Scary German Guy: For last chance of some pie.
Rudy: Where the hell am I supposed to find silver bullets? K-Mart?
Patrick: Rudy, where you going?
Rudy: I'm in the goddamn club aren't I?
Horace: Wolfmanโs got nards!
Horace: No, Sean! Scary house! Real monsters! Us, twelve years old, remember?
Sean: Midnight, end of the world, remember?
Horace: Maybe he's a spy.
Sean: Oh good idea! We're not at war with Germany.
Phoebe: We were at war with Vietnam.
Sean: What?
Phoebe: It's in Rambo!
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Teen Wolf (1985)
Coach Finstock: What is it, gambling? Drugs? You know I'd really like to help you but I'm kind of tapped out this month. The IRS is coming down on me like it's some personal vendetta against Bobby Finstock.
Coach Finstock: There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.
Harold Howard: Listen son. You're going to be able to do a lot of things the other guys aren't.
Scott Howard: Oh yeah, like chase cars, and bite the mailman?
Coach Finstock: It doesn't matter how you play the game, it's whether you win or lose. And even that doesn't make all that much difference.
Coach Finstock: There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.
Harold Howard: Listen son. You're going to be able to do a lot of things the other guys aren't.
Scott Howard: Oh yeah, like chase cars, and bite the mailman?
Coach Finstock: It doesn't matter how you play the game, it's whether you win or lose. And even that doesn't make all that much difference.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Hard Target (1993)
Natasha Binder: What kind of a name is Chance?
Chance Boudreaux: Well... my momma took one...
Emil Fouchon: Careless is what you are, Randal. Careless and stupid; and now you're sorry, too.
Chance Boudreaux: Well... my momma took one...
Emil Fouchon: Careless is what you are, Randal. Careless and stupid; and now you're sorry, too.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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The Lion King (1994)
Scar: I'm surrounded by idiots.
Mufasa: Yes, Simba, but let me explain. When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so we are all connected in the great Circle of Life.
Pumbaa: It's our motto.
Young Simba: What's a motto?
Timon: Nothing. What's a motto with you?
Pumbaa: Hey, Timon, ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there?
Timon: Pumbaa, I don't wonder; I know.
Pumbaa: Oh. What are they?
Timon: They're fireflies. Fireflies that, uh... got stuck up on that big bluish-black thing.
Pumbaa: Oh, gee. I always thought they were balls of gas burning billions of miles away.
Timon: Pumbaa, with you, everything's gas.
Mufasa: Yes, Simba, but let me explain. When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so we are all connected in the great Circle of Life.
Pumbaa: It's our motto.
Young Simba: What's a motto?
Timon: Nothing. What's a motto with you?
Pumbaa: Hey, Timon, ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there?
Timon: Pumbaa, I don't wonder; I know.
Pumbaa: Oh. What are they?
Timon: They're fireflies. Fireflies that, uh... got stuck up on that big bluish-black thing.
Pumbaa: Oh, gee. I always thought they were balls of gas burning billions of miles away.
Timon: Pumbaa, with you, everything's gas.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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The Good Son (1993)
Henry: Poor Mr. Highway, he's thinking about the end. He's had enough of this terrible life.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Commissioner Anabell Brumford: Hello?... He did what?... How many animals escaped?... Oh, my God...
Lt. Frank Drebin: Good evening, commissioner. You're looking lovely tonight.
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?
Quentin Hapsburg: Any final requests, Lieutenant?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Er, yes... Can I have the gun?
Quentin Hapsburg: Ohh no! I'm not going to fall for that one!
Frank Drebin: Well... We shot a lot of people together. It's been great. But today I retire, so if I do any shooting now, it'll have to be within the confines of my own home. Hopefully, an intruder and not an in-law, like at my bachelor party.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Good evening, commissioner. You're looking lovely tonight.
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?
Quentin Hapsburg: Any final requests, Lieutenant?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Er, yes... Can I have the gun?
Quentin Hapsburg: Ohh no! I'm not going to fall for that one!
Frank Drebin: Well... We shot a lot of people together. It's been great. But today I retire, so if I do any shooting now, it'll have to be within the confines of my own home. Hopefully, an intruder and not an in-law, like at my bachelor party.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Police officer: Attacked by Christmas toys? That's strange, that's the second toy complaint we've had.
Jack Skellington: Just because I cannot see it, doesn't mean I can't believe it!
Mayor: We've got to find Jack! There's only 365 days left until next Halloween!
Wolfman: 364!
Santa: Haven't you heard of peace on earth and goodwill toward men?
Lock, Shock, Barrel: NO!
Jack Skellington: Just because I cannot see it, doesn't mean I can't believe it!
Mayor: We've got to find Jack! There's only 365 days left until next Halloween!
Wolfman: 364!
Santa: Haven't you heard of peace on earth and goodwill toward men?
Lock, Shock, Barrel: NO!
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Loaded Weapon 1 (1993)
Wes Luger: York was a friend of mine. She was onto something. I think that's what got her killed.
Captain Doyle: You don't think it was the bullets?
Wes Luger: There's something between you and this General Mortars.
Jack Colt: He was my CO in 'Nam. CIA listed him as MIA, but the VA ID'd his MO and we put out an APB.
Wes Luger: Oh, I see.
Wes Luger: We're investigating a felony, Miss Demeanor.
Colt: Give me a name!
Becker: Weren't your parents supposed to do that?
Colt: Nice weather? You think we're having... nice weather? I guess you didn't lose the only one that meant anything in your life. I guess you don't feel burned out by the human misery and despair perpetrated by the criminal vermin that infest every pore of this decaying city, forcing you to guzzle cheap wine and cheaper whiskey to dull the pain that shatters your heart, rips at your soul, and keeps your days forever gray. What flavor Icee you got today?
Captain Doyle: You don't think it was the bullets?
Wes Luger: There's something between you and this General Mortars.
Jack Colt: He was my CO in 'Nam. CIA listed him as MIA, but the VA ID'd his MO and we put out an APB.
Wes Luger: Oh, I see.
Wes Luger: We're investigating a felony, Miss Demeanor.
Colt: Give me a name!
Becker: Weren't your parents supposed to do that?
Colt: Nice weather? You think we're having... nice weather? I guess you didn't lose the only one that meant anything in your life. I guess you don't feel burned out by the human misery and despair perpetrated by the criminal vermin that infest every pore of this decaying city, forcing you to guzzle cheap wine and cheaper whiskey to dull the pain that shatters your heart, rips at your soul, and keeps your days forever gray. What flavor Icee you got today?
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Hot Shots! Part Deux (1993)
Topper Harley: Somebody once wrote, "Hell is the impossibility of reason." Well, that's what this place feels like hell. I hate it already and it's only been a few hours. I'm so tired. We get up at four in the morning...
Capt. Benjamin L. Willard: At first I thought they handed me the wrong dossier. I couldn't believe they wanted this man dead. Third Generation West Point, top of his class, Airbourne, Korea, about a thousand decorations, etc, etc...
Topper Harley, Capt. Benjamin L. Willard: I loved you in Wall Street!
Rabinowitz: What are you reading?
Topper Harley: Great Expectations.
Rabinowitz: Is it any good?
Topper Harley: It's not what I'd hoped for.
Topper Harley: Colonel, who are they?
Col. Denton Walters: She's CIA. The other man's an extra.
Michelle Huddleson: Now we have to go in to get the men who went in to get the men who went in to get the men.
Capt. Benjamin L. Willard: At first I thought they handed me the wrong dossier. I couldn't believe they wanted this man dead. Third Generation West Point, top of his class, Airbourne, Korea, about a thousand decorations, etc, etc...
Topper Harley, Capt. Benjamin L. Willard: I loved you in Wall Street!
Rabinowitz: What are you reading?
Topper Harley: Great Expectations.
Rabinowitz: Is it any good?
Topper Harley: It's not what I'd hoped for.
Topper Harley: Colonel, who are they?
Col. Denton Walters: She's CIA. The other man's an extra.
Michelle Huddleson: Now we have to go in to get the men who went in to get the men who went in to get the men.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Jurassic Park (1993)
John Hammond: All major theme parks have had delays. When they opened Disneyland in 1956, nothing worked!
Dr. Ian Malcolm: But, John. If the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists.
Dr. Ian Malcolm: But, John. If the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Scrooged (1988)
The Ghost of Christmas Present: Oh, what is this, Frank? Oh, oh look, Frank! It's a toaster!
Frank Cross: No, you are a hallucination brought on by alcohol... Russian vodka poisoned by Chernobyl!
Frank Cross: No, you are a hallucination brought on by alcohol... Russian vodka poisoned by Chernobyl!
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Groundhog Day (1993)
Phil: For your information, Hairdo, there is a major network interested in me.
Larry: Yeah, that would be the Home Shopping Network.
Larry: Yeah, that would be the Home Shopping Network.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Edgar Friendly: You see, according to Cocteau's plan, I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think; I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kind of guy who likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder, "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of gravy fries?" I WANT high cholesterol. I wanna eat bacon and butter and BUCKETS of cheese, okay? I want to smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section. I want to run through the streets naked with green Jell-o all over my body reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiener!"
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Cool Runnings (1993)
Irv: Oh, yeah, just one little drawback to this delightful winter sport. The high-speed crash. Ooh! That hurt. Always remember, your bones will not break in a bobsled. No, no, no. They shatter.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Ash: Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This... is my boomstick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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The Hudsucker Proxy (1994)
Norville: It's fun, it's healthy, it's good exercise. The kids will just love it. and we put a little sand inside to make the experience more pleasant.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Addams Family Values (1993)
Amanda: Is that your bathing suit?
Wednesday: Is that your overbite?
Gary: Now, one of you will be the drowning victim and the other one gets to be our lifesaver.
Amanda: I'll be the victim!
Wednesday: All your life.
Wednesday: Is that your overbite?
Gary: Now, one of you will be the drowning victim and the other one gets to be our lifesaver.
Amanda: I'll be the victim!
Wednesday: All your life.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Dumb and Dumber (1994)
Harry: I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
Lloyd: I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man.
Lloyd: I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994)
Carrie: Having a good night?
Charles: Yes. It's right up there with my father's funeral for sheer entertainment value.
Charles: Yes. It's right up there with my father's funeral for sheer entertainment value.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Cat Admiring Bitter Customer: Cute cat. What's its name?
Randal Graves: Annoying customer.
Cat Admiring Bitter Customer: Fuckin' dickhead!
Randal Graves: Which did you like better? "Jedi" or "The Empire Strikes Back"?
Dante Hicks: "Empire".
Randal Graves: Blasphemy.
Dante Hicks: "Empire" had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets.
Randal Graves: Annoying customer.
Cat Admiring Bitter Customer: Fuckin' dickhead!
Randal Graves: Which did you like better? "Jedi" or "The Empire Strikes Back"?
Dante Hicks: "Empire".
Randal Graves: Blasphemy.
Dante Hicks: "Empire" had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)
Ace Ventura: If I'm not back in five minutes... just wait longer.
Lois Einhorn: Alright, Ventura. Make it quick.
Ace Ventura: I found a rare stone at the bottom of Snowflake's tank. It belonged to a 1984 AFC Championship ring. It would have been a Super Bowl ring, but Ray Finkle missed the big kick. Blames the whole thing on Marino. We're talking mental institute escapee. I saw the guy's room. Cozy if you're Hannibal Lecter!
Lois Einhorn: Alright, Ventura. Make it quick.
Ace Ventura: I found a rare stone at the bottom of Snowflake's tank. It belonged to a 1984 AFC Championship ring. It would have been a Super Bowl ring, but Ray Finkle missed the big kick. Blames the whole thing on Marino. We're talking mental institute escapee. I saw the guy's room. Cozy if you're Hannibal Lecter!
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Unforgiven (1992)
Will Munny: Funny thing, killin' a man. You take away everything he's got and everything he's gonna have.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Sneakers (1992)
Cosmo: There I was in prison. And one day I help a couple of older gentlemen make some free telephone calls. They turn out to be, let us say, good family men.
Martin Bishop: Organized crime?
Cosmo: Hah. Don't kid yourself. It's not that organized.
Martin Bishop: Organized crime?
Cosmo: Hah. Don't kid yourself. It's not that organized.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Stay Tuned (1992)
Roy Knable: Boy, this is strange!
Helen Knable: Strange? I'm an animated rodent wearing high-heel running shoes. The word "strange" is somehow lacking.
Helen Knable: Strange? I'm an animated rodent wearing high-heel running shoes. The word "strange" is somehow lacking.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Reservoir Dogs (1992)
Mr. White: The choice between doing ten years and taking out some stupid motherfucker, ain't no choice at all. But I ain't no madman.
Agent Kermit D. Fonz's rating:
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Published 12 years, 10 months ago
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